in a new york state of mind...
except not really.
i got lucky and was able to bring the laptop with me-
- and anna got online, and i realized that i think i've changed. i didn't want to, i didn't try to, and maybe i didn't at all-
but why am i so antisocial now?
talking to anna reminded me of how I used to have lots of REAL friends and even some not so real ones that I hung out with anyway.
and I went through some old pictures and reminisced, and realized that I learned something from all the friends I've ever had.
Hillary's at the beach, and I'm at the apple. We leave early on the 4th so I'll get to be back for the fireworks. which is cool. I'll probably check out Conor's party.
I guess... a lot of other things have been more important to me lately. Like thinking about my future. I have an interview with Parsons at the end of the month- so we get to go back to NY again;-)
and also Drexel, but I don't really want to go to Drexel. I'd die to go to Parsons!
I spend a lot of time making clothes on my mom's ancient Husquarvna(sp).
and I keep to myself, except to go to work. so I can buy more Irregular Choice shoes on eBay.
Like...a hobbit, or something- a gnome. or Punxatauny Liz, afraid of her shadow aka stress.
and friends can be so stressful.
i keep to myself more than i ever have. i like my time to be my own, i don't like wasting time accompanying people on their errands or things they need to do- because.why? why can some people never do anything alone? i love shopping alone, doing things alone. i love my own time. I love being at the beach alone, without anyone there who wants to do something else- i love making my own decisions.
but i'm not sure that i love not having friends. i haven't talked to hillary in a while and it's starting to make me really sad. before i left, i watched sex and the city...carrie and samantha were smoking a joint, talking girltalk, and it made me miss hillary a lot. but i'm afraid to call her.
for some reason, i can't keep friends. i think it's because... i make a lot of mistakes, i do or say things wrong- and then i run away. people react to this differently. some people like to put gummies on my car, while others wait for me to come to them. both of which i do not deal very well with.
but she's on vacation. i don't blame her. technically, i am too- but it's for my brother, we're not even shopping this time.
matt had a cookout and went to the endzone last night, with ken's family he told me. but hatchet went, and goins went-to this cookout- and i'll bet megan and other girls went too. sigh. thanks matt.
well, i need to stop being on my period so this all will go away.

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