I think I'm ready to talk about what happened last night, I slept on it and now I feel a lot better.

Well, you might know about my friend I got in a fight in (I'm not going to say her name because she didn't want us to write about her at all, but that was Maria's approach, so I guess I'l use it too.)

But anyway, we had been having chat room fights, away message fights, and the last one was a profile fight. She said whoever thinks she's stuck up is not her friend, (I can't remember it, but I don't want to make up something and lie) but anyway, it was all of this stuff going out to people who think she's full of herself and stuff.

And the few of you that saw the entrry before I deleted it (Which is probably only Amanda, lol) know that I said something very mean back, something that I have thought about her when we'd get in those fights. Maria and I were in a chat, waiting for Chris and Ivan to stop fighting, whne the girl IM'ed me saying that she had cut herself.

Of course I was like "AAAAHH!!! MARIA!!!"

And couldn't type. I accidentally called her "MARIOS" but I meant to say "MARIA!"

oops.

And after like, regaining my ability to breath and think straight I copied and pasted what the girl had said and Maria was in shock as well, but no one believed the girl until later on, when Chris and Ivan came back. Ivan really didn't care, but Chris, Maria and I talked rapidly like 'I doubt it" "would she" "OMG!" "no way... no way.." "this is serious, nothing to joke about" "Was she joking?" "I hope so!" "But that's just wrong" "I know, I know, what now?"

And no one knew.

but she signed off, then signed back on later. we got her in a chat room, and Chris IM'ed her, and hopefully made her feel a little bit better.

Then both Chris and the girl signed offline, and it was just Maria, Ivan and I in the chat room. It seems like Ivan always says something to me that can be interpreted as mean, and I say "Well fine, Ivan, that's nice of you" or something like that, then he goes 'chill out Liz!" and Maria tells me to calm down, then I say I wasn't not calm in the first place, and Maria says "You're totally flipping out on him!" and Ivan goes "I know, geez" And I leave the room.

They always do that! And it really was not the right time too, seeing as I was already emotionally drained in the first place, worrying about the girl, and about something Chris had to do, but I'm not allowed to write it... urgh.

and then I get invited back, everything's okay again blah blah blah, and that girl signs on later.

I guess I mustered up enough courage to IM her telling her everything that I really think, and of course she was mad and dissappointed at me and confused as to why I'd say something like that, I knew all of those feelings, she said I didn't know how she felt, and maybe not deep down inside, but I know what it feels like to lose a friend, i know what it feels like to hurt so much in that way you just want to turn into a vegetable so you don't hurt anymore, and you sit there wondering why that kind of thing would happen to you, and you cry a lot even though you don't want to tell anyone, and you're sad and irritable a lot of the time, and after a while you just want to give up.

Now, when I say give up, I don't mean kill myself or harm myself, I mean jut give up on that person, but I'd never give up on that girl, and as long as she's mad at me I'll still be worried about her and care about her.

but anyhow, she signed off, and Maria, Ivan and I were left in the chat room as usual. We invited Amanda and somehow, she really made us all feel better, she's a very cheery and happy person. Did anyone read her 115 realizations? She really has lost a whole lot in her life! And yet she's so happy and makes everyone around her happy, what a wonderful person;-)

and, it seems like after 2 am the hours just go like that (snaps fingers) and Ivan, Amanda and I were up chattin till 430 in the morning.... but I got up earlier, weird!

Well, I've got something else to add. Remember how I mentioned Fern in my previous entry? Well today I e-mailed everyone on my adress list because I was pretty bored, and he replied commenting on how I ignored him and said the little sister stuff, but that didn't really bother me until he said "the most exciting thing u should be thinking about going to back to school is whether yours is going to get shot up or not" or soemthing to that effect.

shot up.

HOW THE HELL WOULD HE KNOW

that really bothers me! He's NEVER went to an American school, how would he know about all of that? I live in a very nice school district, and though I don't like it, I doubt anyone would bring in a gun.

And i guess that just really bothered me.

ttyl

0 comments so far