The first part of this entry is stupid! Ignore it! Don't read it! It's how I feel so I wrote it but I don't want to offend anyone

Ugg, I feel a rant coming on and I don't want to rant, what I'm mad about I wouldn't normally be and I'm also confused, so this is the controversy, here goes...(?)

With the exception of Maria and Emily, two of the most amazing people I have ever met, I've always had trouble keep friends. Why? I don't know. The people I have been hanging out with now, Shelby, Allison, Marlee, and all of them- I want to keep them as friends, I don't want to go screwing stuff up like I always do... and it seems like once I let my guard down and introduced them to Ivan, and I don't want to write this, they read my diary, and this is always where I screw up, but it seems like every. time. I introduce new friends to Ivan, they ditch me for him and I have no friends, again. I don't want to get ditched this time, I hope maybe we can all be friends, with Ivan... I saw no problem in including him, and I'm being paranoid, I know this, but since I can't get online as much anymore because of my bitch mother, I never get included in plans. Someone call me!!!! 867 1168 is my number and I'm always sitting around waiting... I want to hang out with them, and have good friends.

This is stupid, I don't know why I feel this way, actually, yeah I do and I told Shelby why I've been acting odd.... I'll be fine soon...

It's like... I meet really cool Nittany people and we hang out, and then I'm like "hey, how abou I introduce them to my PF friends" so I do and everything goes really well with the Curtises and Conor and all the nice pool people and I'm like "hey, this is cool... etc" and so Ivan hears about them and wants to meet them and I'm like "okay whatever," and he ignores them at the mall, then invites himself downtown, and boom, I'm not in the picture anymore...

What am I saying?!?! This is stupid. I'm being stupid. Ignore this. These people aren't like everyone else, I don't know if they'd just ditch you for anyone. It's not fair to them to assume that... and I'm making it so much worse than it really is. So what, they all hung out without you. No big deal. They would have met in highschool anyway. I'm afraid to post this entry. Half of me is saying "Ah do it so they'll know how you feel and everything will be okay" but I don't want anyone to think I'm mad at them because I'm not...

I was talking to Shelby about Max and I thought to myself, 'man, are you making a big deal about nothing or what,"

Alright so. Moving on, ... to the Max thing. I don't know what I want to say that I want everyone to know. He's on some random hiking trip until Monday. I am confused about a lot of things now but damn, I should just let it all slide like I usually do and stop dwelling on everything. What's wrong with me? Nothing... I can do this, it's not a big deal. Just let it go. Get over the whole group./friend thing, it's the Summer.

Alright I'm good! I'm over this! Good.

Back to the Max thing, um, haven't much to say, actually yeah I do but I don't want to put it here. Once I figure out what's gonna happen I'll post it...

Okay, I talked to Al and she helped me realize that if I feel some way I should let it be known, if it's not too mean, and I really want to be positive right now and have fun. Al, you made me feel better!

Ivan likes Shelby and she might like him back... cool. Never imagined I'd play a part in setting them up, (all I did was introduce them, the rest was all them) but i think it'd be cool, despite anything I already said before.

Well, I'm gonna go do Lauren's layout... I'm sorry for the ranting... I got it out and now I'm just gonna let everything slide and try to be myself and just have fun.

Shelby's leaving for camp:-(.

I really want to hang out with people though, even though Shelby won't be there and it might kinda suck, but people gimme a call! I can't get online whenever anymore... 867 1168 867 1168

867 1168

867 1168

okay, the layout...

Liz

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