i feel crazy, like, 'mad' crazy, you know, the kind when all you can think about is one thing and images of that thing and thoughts of the good and bad circle through your mind. They don't stop and eventually drive you to the brink of insanity. I miss upper saint clair where I moved from. There is nowhere I'd rather be when I'm away from it, yet when I'm there it reminds me of that lower-level life I used to lead. People hated me for no reason. That reall wouldn't be a problem you see, because my best friends in the world liv therre, and nomatter what I'm sure they'll always be there for me. Maria, my best friend, very best friend, I'm so sorry we fought let it never happen again, I love you for who you are; never change. Emily, yeah we fight and even thouh you look down on me I'll still allways respect you for who you are, which is a strong person who never gives up in what she believes in. Jordan, you... there is s much to be said about how youhave helped me all the time when I was down, and everyone else. Through marc, chris, and even john you've been there for me, and i love you for your caring giving way of seeing people. Without you three i'd pprobably just be a piece of woodwork in my mind.... you know there but not really.... and chris, omg its hard to say about you because I don't think I like you in the way i used to (you know, massive crush?) just... you are so important to me and most of the time you've been there for me and everyone else around you. I love you for who you are, not because you're like, really hot. (JKJK). I don't think I forgot anyone, I mean sure, I could list others but no one has really been such a friend that i would say 'i love you' and mean it. i don't mean passionate love like bf-gf, I mean the kind of love for someone who's just... a really good friend. God help me chris never reads this, he'll be freaked out. He's kind of like the type that always takes things seriously, you know, probably thinks I still like him like I used to 3 months ago. I mean hey I would if it weren't for Penn State. Major dilemma there. You know Chris you are special, no one I've met is quite like you, I mean just....the way you are. I don't mean that Mr. Rogers BS, 'youre one of a kind!' ,......gag....I mean that, hey, you've got that 'something'. Don't ask what it is, even I don't have the answer. Marc used to, but his egotistical ways soon overlapped that sweet boy I used to know in 5th grade. I mean, backstabbing did get him popularity and girls, and Emily of course, but there is nothing you or i can do, even though I despised him for a period of time because he was the only thing holding you back from me. You and I both know that to be the truth. ....If you do read this and feel the sudden urge to hate me, stop. Stop, close your eyes and think. Why do you want to hate me? I doubt you really dislike me, and you will also want to ignore me on and offline, why? before you do, think. It usually works, but, as you can see, I have had a hard time using that good advice. And so have you, mr. 'six reasons'. (five I tell ya, five!). Well I can't believe I just wrote that all to you. Look at that last paragraph, If you take out all the sentances about people, you will have what is called 'the things that bug Liz every day because she thinks about them'. Yeah chris i think about you. And the many horrible and wonderful things you've given me to remember you by. Your awesome smile, and the way you used to look at me and smile, your laugh, the way you look in blue, the white hat that you haven't worn since 1967 (jk) your voice, your voice....how it sounded....when we broke up....on the phone.... THE e-mail... That social, the one time I ever cried over you......my party, the couch, regens party, random chairs and forced conversation, how you used to talk to me as if you actually wanted to, how you used to look me in the eye when you talked, and when you listened, as if you really cared about me and what I had to say. The way you were always... there....thank you Chris, if you ever read this. Maria, how you've always made me laugh, even when I felt so dead in the bathroom at that social but you were there, and once again 'ice cream fun' saved the day, How when I was down u were down we'd just sit and talk about why we were unhappy and feel bad for ourselves, but, once we had sorted out our problems everything was usually okay until the PP decided to (insert evil manipulative deed) and everything was screwed again. OMG best friend since third grad, if a brick wall was built between us we'd find some way to knock it down (figuitively! no, we DON'T need a wrecking ball! huh? hey, you, uh passed the wall. Why are you heading to marc's house? oohhh I see! GO MARIA! WOO-HOO!) jk youd never do that mar. Now for all the Jammie jams, Da bombs, WAZZSUPs and mama dramas will present themselves. thank you. Emily, you know we are very alike if you just think and realize yeah i don't like marc, and you favor him, (omg im gonna hurl). But I'll admit, he's hot. Just our attitudes towards life, we both can be a little bitchy sometimes, and hey thats not a bad thing. You think I'm some kind of...omg loser. I know it, but you don't....and i act like a loser around you. Why? I dunno, probably because I feel I should. i'm never myself around you, I don't know probably because i'm intimidated. You're everything I've always wanted to be; pretty, no, gorgeous, popular, can get any guy, the one everyone likes nomatter how mean you are, and youre not always mean. youre kind of like sandy on Daria. I'm like the japanese american (whatsername?) Jordan is Quinn and Maria is Stacey. cool, never thought of that. Jordan, Through thick and thin boyfriends and boyfriends and boyfrinds (yours i mean ive only had one) (dont ask how, quite frankly i dont know why he went out with me either). You were always there for me 4ever and a day. Marc, Andy, Chris K, and Drew.... how many boyfriends have you had?? well youre not a slut or anyhting, youre just a caring person who guys like, they admire you I'm sure for your upbeat nature (now i sound like an alloy quiz!) And yes, at that social, bawling my eyes out, sheesh that pop was HORRIBLE! John is MINE baby! JK! well best wishes to you and drew, by far i think you are the cutest couple of 2001. Thank you all for being there for me, and the few of you that caused the other few to be there for me, i guess I'll thank you too, though I didn't particularly like crying at that social (c;mon gimme a break we had just broke up!) but I'm fine now, if you turn away from me now chris most chances r I'll turn from you too. Well best wishes, geeze better end this before it becomes a novel, and... I think my blind eyes are able to see again...

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