Just as soon as I though i was being accepted back into upper saint clair's open arms it pushes me away in a wave of solitude and hatred

THANK YOU MARIA

AND I MEAN IT THIS TIME

THANK YOU FOR CAUSING ENDLESS NIGHTS OF TEARS AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL THE MOST EXCLUSION AND UNHAPINESS FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?

I have forgiven you for everything. you called me a whore, slut, and god knows what else, but I forgave you. I called you fat ass. that was it. A month ago, and you haven't forgiven me.

I try, Maria, The Lord knows I try, And it ends up in frustration.

maria, I'm not going to hurt you again! Maria, I'm not going to rip your heart out so many times! Please put down your guards! please let me back in....

You... you think I don't understand, but I do, all too well. You think I'll hurt you again, but I won't

I'll always be there for you, Maria, when you need me, I'd die for you.

You don;t have to act tough to show me that you have an outer shell, it's there, i can see it though my eyes are closed

why, what, are you trying to make me feel alienated? you know i can't help where i live, who i am, but please, please, you know I won't hurt you again! You're hurting me ten times more than i ever did you!!!

We are truly a helena and hermia

I evermore did love you, hermia....

don't hate me, please, don't snap at me, stop slapping my hand as I extend it to help you up off the cold, dark, ground

So please hear moe, not as a crazed perons or an angry person, hear what i have to say, wanting you back in my life as the good person i always knew you were and possibly are today....

why am i still blocked? I'd walk through fire and jump off a bridge for you!! I'd stick a rusty knife through my neck for you! Can't you see?! I'm not just saying these words for the hell of saying them, I really mean it, try to see the light amongst so much radiating opaque darkness

please!

for once, let your guard down and try to percieve who I really am, and I'm ready to be a positive person amongst a sea of pessimists.

I'll always be your shoulder to cry on, I'll always be the friend you never knew you had

and someday you'll come to realize that there was, indeed someone out there who cared about you so much she was willing to die a thousand long and painful deaths for you.

Someday in the hopefully near future I'll get an e-mail that says you want to be a friend again, not a best friend, not even a good friend, but a friend just the same

And I'll alwats be here, waiting for that mail

waiting for you

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