I'm afraid, almost, no, scared, is there a difference between the overly marketed word "scared" in October, and the feeling, the knowledge of being afraid, or do -

I talked to Tim last night, actually talked. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, but since my diary is locked up, I guess it's okay.

He is so confusing, I don't know whether I want to write about it, maybe I should call him, or Max, but Max would only tell me to call Tim, damnit, what would I say? Ask him to clarify what he meant when he said we were different, he was so serious about it, "we worry about different things"

That-

Everyone is different. No. One. Is. The. Same.

He was talking, I was shaking, it was dark, shaking, I remember, I couldn't breathe, I'd yawn, yet I was shaking.

Frappuccino.

Shaking, yea, I do flirt, I'll stop if he wants me to, he doesn't want to make me do something I don't want to do, but what I cannot stress enough is how much I want to do what will help this, but it seems somewhat beyond help

We aren't in a fight.

He seemed defeated, sort of,- 'I don't know you-'

What could I have said? 'Then get to know me' -?

I didn't- auugg! He is so paranoid, so weak, and you'd never guess, it scares me.

Maybe we should break up, this is too much.

Damnit, I'm making a whole hell of a lot out of this. I hope I don't look back at myself and laugh,-

Right now I am imagining my future self looking at this and laughing, I hate you. I hate you, Liz, you're an ass.

Get online, Tim, get online-

Why can't I call him? I don't want to be annoying, I have a thing with calling guys, a 7th grade thing, it never went away and it should.

Although I have no problem calling Max for some reason, he's like the good guy friend that knows Tim well

But now, - now I know Tim better. This isn't about knowing him, this isn't the kind of thing I can go tell other people what we talked about, no. Different.

Damnit, you said I changed, then why are you pulling examples of this from my former self? That was then, this is now, you can't use the past to justify the future. Learn that, if only I could tell you, if only I could talk to you.

Maybe we should break up, although,-

Tell me that was you, tell me the way you talked to me last night is the way you really are, I'll view you differently, my opinion is higher. I need to talk to you so much, I've never wanted to before, sad irony- just when I want to, I can't.

You've inched yourself right out of my reach.

...come back...

summer, summer, I need summer, I need away from you, I need to be with you-

I don't know what I want

Liz

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