feeling kinda mellow

I have a headache..and yeah, but last night was mad amazing-Nick is cool again, he listened to me and Lauren be retards on the phone at like 1 in the morning. Great kid.

Yeah, basically the next morning at big lots I felt sick and tired and shit- fun fun, I wonder how Lauren was?

My hair is SHORT. I go through phases where I love it and hate it. It's cute I guess- but- my HAIR! It's GONE! Ah. I do like it, actually. I think I looks good.

You know who's really cool? Jes and Bart- yknow, the blonde and the -um, orange-head. haha. They're great kids, I wanna hang out with them some.

I think I'm going to Laura's with Andy tomorrow? Nate is weird. He called me tonight- you know what!!!! AHHHH

last night I had a dream that he called me but he didn't sound like himself, like he sounded like a little kid. Tonight his voice sounded odd... like he had been yelling a lot and his throat was sore or something. I fortollddddd...... hmm, it's not a big deal or anything but it was cool to hear from him, he's not dead or anything. good. :raises eyebrows: he didn't seem too 'amazingly thrilled' to talk to me again, though. Well, whatever.

oooh, chips...

I feel so bad for Maria. I don't want her family to go through this stuff. She's one of the best people I know and does NOT deserve her mom or dad to hurt, or even her cat. I don't know what to say without sounding superficial, but I really hope things get better for her. If she ever needs anyone, I'm here.

Does it ever feel like something is missing? Everything seems so perfect, you know, but I still feel empty. Why?! This bothers me to every extent. It makes me tired. I was in the living room with my family, Teddy was on the piano, mom and dad were singing. I had just gotten off the phone with Nate and all was seemingly well. I had math homework. Eh, otherwise, I was tired. Maybe it's the homework and the pressure I am receiving from school? I did the math, kinda. I feel better now. I hate this pressure, I can't explain how I feel squished- no room for leeway- up against a wall. I'm trying so hard sometimes and, I don't know, it seems like too much. I can't do this. I already cried my eyes out to mom- I know I sound like a baby. Believe me, I know I'm not alone, everyone is going through the same thing now. There are probably a whole bunch of kids like me who are having trouble coping with this pressure, the GPA, my parents . (Grade Point Average- Good Parent Appeaser)

I just made that up right now.

kinda like the other day, when mom and I were talking about me driving, and I said "My drivealogical clock is ticking!" - and it IS. Man. Cars, driving, going places on my own- it's so... -mouthwatering- or something.

A whole bunch of two people have me blocked. Every once in a while I go on my brother's screen name and see what;s going on. That one guy who has me blocked, I unblocked him- if he wants to yell at me stupidly about how "I was mean to him fiiirrrstt!! wahh!" then fine, whatever. The girl- I haven't talked to online or face to face in a while, so it doesn't matter much, I guess.

I'm reading my older entries from the summer. They all felt so superficial when I was writing them, like- the early ones, before Marlee's party, when I was still with Tim and stuff. NOW I feel superficial, those entries seem so wholesome and pure. It always seems that way, where have I gone?

Even though he's back, I still miss Nate.

I dunno.

Liz

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