OUCH!

So much trouble last night! I don't want to write details because I really preffer not to remember this- (I go back and read older entries, someday, if I am talking to myself- DO NOT TRY AND REMEMBER, YOU. IT ONLY BRINGS SADNESS).

I'm grounded this weekend. Shit. Tom was having a party Friday, I can't go and I'm not even sure if it's still happening.

I've been thinking alot about my diary. I use it to say things to other poeple wayy too much. Like, tell them off or make a remark- this is a DIARY and I should use it to record my thoughts, feelings, and things that happen to me, just as everyone should.

I've been so depressed lately. It was teeny and insignificant before, but it's gotten worse, and last night's events- I think, were the straw that broke my back, so to speak. It feels like... there's this weight inside of me holding me down from doing and feeling what I want. My parents make me feel horrible about everything, everything is wrong with them and even when they try to be nice, it doesn't work. My brother is great, I love hanging out with him, he's funny. He doesn't make me forget things that because he's in my family, and- it reminds me of everything, I guess. The only people I can just forget and be happy around are Nate, Andy and Laura- sometimes Lauren but I never see her enough:-/. Contrary to what I said the other day, Nate is incredible. His hapiness and positivity rub off on me and make me feel so much better about everything when I'm with him- even when I'm not with him, I can get lost in my daydreams, and have a reason to smile about something. He's not perfect though, he says things sometimes that make me wonder and do my little eyebrow-raise thing, but that's okay. He's entitled to have faults, just as we all are.

fuck! mom is home... I'll have to write later... bye

Liz

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