hum

Today was amazing! I got a LOT of sleep- mah! I have so much to talk about!

I fell asleep on the couch last night- man, the snow day was great. I was kinda sad about a few things, but otherwise- I was sitting downstairs on the couch, listening to a Mariah Carey christmas song, it went kinda like "and everybody's smiling, and everyone's embracing, except for you and I, - I miss you,-"etc. I got so incredibly sad, for a little bit, I couldn't even move- and then I thought.

"Liz, why?"

this is stupid.

I got up and ate a cookie.

I'm over 'us'. I'm not nearly over him, but I'm so over what we had, or what I THOUGHT we had- I'll get into that later, but for now-

So, I slept in a little later, and had time to get ready- went to my dad's office and hung around. It's next to the waffle shop, so I went and got coffee for him, OJ and a bagle for me- fun stuff.

I went to school early to help with WSCH (broadcasting). I was sort of under the impression that I, as a freshman, would be sorting papers, or maybe helping someone else out- Naahhh. They had me write a story. It was nerve-wracking! He said "alright, pick, you can write about this, or that-" and I wrote about Penn State cutting their funding, and the intuition increase. Anyone hear it!? I wrote it! hehe. And just as I was doing this, a shocked little freshman, Mrs. Lysaker came over to me with a santa hat and said "can you collect money for Toys for Tots?"- I was thinking, oh man, I have to go into classrooms and do this infront of random people. She had Debbie do it with me, which was amazing, Debbie's really cool. unfortunately, the hallway we were assigned to- Nate's 1st period class was in it- the kid's gonna think I'm still stalking him, after the Rodkey incident on Tuesday. It actually went really well! Debbie and I had a slogan-

Debbie says: "Don't be greedy!"

Liz says: Give to the needy!

Both say: Toys for tots!

Yeahh..we're cool kids.

So, I was really getting into this whole Toys for Tots thing, working with the people, getting them to put money in the hat, and stuff- being amiable and outgoing, I can be like that some of the time (I had 10 hours of sleep and breakfast- good to go). Then, we get to Nate's room. Fun. I tense up and can't talk barely, and I follow Debbie around, not doing anything on my own. My pulse quickened horribly, and I was like, looking at the ground the whole time. What the hell, okay? This is enough. It's like that every time I'm ever around him- I can't even look the kid in the eye.

But yes, people were ppopping out anything from four cents to twenty dollar bills- we were successful, and we're doing it tomorrow morning too:-D

Today was just great. I want to get sleep tonight and actually eat breakfast tomorrow morning.

Let's see, what else happened?

quiet study was great, I haven't talked to Keith in a while, him and Sarah are such an amazing couple- all you people who diss them need to shut up and get a life. I'm so serious.

Tommy is so great!!! He hid Nate's backpack in band so Nate had to go back to the North building and look for it, wow, Tommy was my hero for third period. It seems like "be mean to Nate day" (which was like, Monday or Tuesday) has turned into "be mean to Nate week"...hehehe I don't mind...at all.

Lunch was sweet, I sat with Laura and Andy- unfortunately I could - HEY- unfortuNATEly- you all know that's how I feel about him-

anyway.

I had a clear window to unfortu-Nate (hahaha, just for this diary entry, the lesser serious parts, I'm going to call him that)- anyway. I had my pictures, and I was like... ripping up pictures of him, he could see me doing it, I don't know if he knew what I was doing or whatnot.

(You all probably think I'm a horrible bitch for this, just wait, read my lil happy entry, I heard some stuff, I'll write when I get to it. Nate's true colors are anything BUT that of a "sweetie")

so, yeah, Caitlin wanted a picture of him, she came over and said "hey, do you have any pictures of Nate you could give to me? He's really hot, you know"- something like that. It makes me...uncomfortable, I guess, that she always tells me how hot he is (she does this a lot now) and how she thinks he's so cool because "he lets her look at him"-I dunno. I'm not mad, or anything, I'm just kinda- WE BROKE UP. I KNOW WHAT I LOST. HE'S HOT. HE'S GORGEOUS. I gET it. Okay?! I do still like him, kind of, and it - I dunno- I just don't want to picture him with anyone else. I know he will be someday, and so will I, I just don't want to think of it at the moment- see what I mean?

I like Caitlin though. I just, don't like that she always talks about Nate being the best person in the world because he's good looking. Makes me feel uneasy, sick, and kinda angy at myself- NOT a good combination. Lunch was cool though. I walked up the stairs with Joel- Nate was right behind us, and from the back Joel looks like some big jock guy, I danna, Joel and me have always been tight so I guess it looked like we were flirting? Did I shove that in Nate's face?! Nahhhhh nevvvverrr. It was fun- Nate was literally right behind us. Heheh. Stupid things that amuse me...

Anyhow

6th period I got out of Study hall and went to lunch, to wait for Bri, because the principle was sposed to be back. We hung around and did nothing, I talked to people, so did she, for basically the whole time- then we went to the office, noone was there at all to talk to us- as it turns out, the principle hadn't been there all day, and of course no one in the office would give us quotes. Sigh.

You know how when you walk up the ramp, and turn the corner, you almost bump into people going the opposite direction? Before 7th period, Bri gave me the notes to look over from her other interviews, and I was skimming them going up the ramp to get my gym clothes. Yeah and guess who I just barely bumped in to- Nate. Yeahh. I didn't, though, but it sucked all of the freaking air out of me, honestly. Sometimes you can sense someone before you see them- and yeah, I didn't even have to look at him to know it was him, because I couldn't really breathe and my concentration went elsewhere. Hey, let's look at the bright side- atleast I could walk.

Going to 7th, which I have gym, I didn't know if the bell had rung, some random guy was in the hall and I asked if the bell rang, and he was like "uhh I dunno"- Nate's sister, (Jessie) was behind him and she said something like "yeah, it just rung a minute ago, Liz". She never really used to talk to me before. (kinda freaked me out)

Right.

anyway, gym is really fun, I like volleyball and I like talking to Courtney- about the hot Russian men in our lunch period? Nahhhh. Fun stuff.

Geometry with Laura! Ah. We have a test tomorrow, but I'm gonna ace it, it's all old algebra stuff that she felt we weren't understanding. Or something.

I had a mock trial meeting afterwards- it was all new people this time. The three girls that Mr. Smith (I think? Common name like that) had been describing- they're everything I thought they weren't. They are the essence of "female attorney"- at first they seemed cold, straight, and to the point- but then Maeve talked to me, and asked me to be an attorney with her- she seems like someone who isn't cold at all, she just seems that way. We put together a team, she's really nice. Paloma wants to be an attorney? She doesn't seem to have "what it takes" to be one...you know? She kept talking about how intimidated she felt, which was alright, I'm not making fun of her- I'm saying, if you're the attorney type, you're gonna stick your nose in there and fight like a bitch until you got what you want. That's the way it is - especially when there are a limited number of slots. She was incredibly tentative, and I'll stick to my decision that she'd make a good witness until I'm proven wrong. I'm not trying to insult her or whatnot, I actually kinda like Paloma sometimes. She listens to me rant about nothing.

We left around 5 and went to the South building to work on Journalism. Journ is really starting to- get on my nerves? I go in and never know what to do, I'm new at this. Brooke's starting to get maddish, as far as Paloma said, and they have a bit of a tiff about me and Paloma not working or something(?). There's a lot I wanna say to that, but for all I know, it's not even happening. Paloma and I were there today, Brooke wasn't- but, hey, I can't go Sunday, so I can't talk.

I took the late bus home, dad and Ted were there- we went to McDonalds and Wal*Mart. 'Twas fun.

Called Laura about the "bomb threat"- we talked about it a little, it does kinda scare me. I'm going to school tomorrow and stuff, but - I dunno. I'll be a tad paranoid.

We also talked about Nate.

Here's where it gets ugly, here's where I wonder why I ever trusted him- see, I'm not gonna be like those kids who says stuff like "Nah, I don't trust NO ONE, man, not anyone-" when they really bear their souls to whoever will listen. I easily trust people. I'm not proud of that, it just happens to be a trait I posess. I strongly trust Laura, she has no reason to lie about anything.

So, we're talking about Nate, and I'm telling her of his rudeness at lunch the other day and she says "OH yeah! I asked him about that and he said - 'what was SUPPOSED to do? she was- TALKING to me..!' " I thought that was kinda funny, I mean common, I was TALKING- oooh.

I remember at a point in our relationship, about around a month and a half, we were talking about handjobs and masturbation and I was like "yeah haha that's my job- you're not sposed to do it-" I did do that to him, and again, THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I'M PROUD OF. At all. So, joking turned to serious, and he "swore off all masturbation"- and he'd talk to me on the phone and say things like "Man, Liz, I'm so proud of myself- no one was home but I didn't whack off, aren't you proud of me? I have such great willpower, blah blah blah..." and, honestly, it didn't mean THAT much to me but he seemed all proud of himself and stuff, so I'd say things like "that's cool, Nate, good job"- and such. Laura said Nate was bragging to her about how he did anyway and how he "so smoothly got away with it, ha -a- ha ha"

Now, fuck, okay? He flat-out lied and then made up elaborate stories about his lies. It wasn't even a big deal at all, I was just kidding about "ohh thats my job hahahah" and he'd be so serious "I'm not gonna do it. I swear." and even after he said he wasn't going to do it- It was not a big deal, but then he got into his little stories of "awesome willpower and restraint" and make me think, 'man, he's such a great person, I'm so lucky. ' and so on. Stupid fucker.

December is officially "Be Mean To Nate Month"- fuck 'be mean to nate week'- this liar needs a whole month.

He would give me other white lies too, stupid ones about stupid things, like- he'd always say he was gonna call, then he wouldn't-it'd be no big deal until I'd hear his long, drawn- out excuse

"Oh, my mom had friends over, and i uh had to help sweep the pine needles after they left and er by the time they were gone it was already ten! go figure!"

That actually was one of his excuses before, no joke, and I KNEW it was bull, but what was I supposed to say? "That's bull, Nate! Go back in time and call me! Come on, DO IT!"- y' know?

Actions speak louder than words. He has GOT to realize this. His words are petty, stupid, lifeless, he has no sense of their meaning and very well shouldn't. His actions, however, are screaming incompetent liar. He is. There were other times he'd make stuff up, and he was obviously lying- he used to say to me "Liiizzz.. would I lie to you?" and smile really cute. When he first started doing that, I'd say "Of course not!" and smile back. Near the end, I'd look at the ground and raise my eyebrows, because I knew he lied to me all the time. He'd make a puppy face and I'd think, whatever, fuck it, and smile and grab his hand or something.

He had me so incredibly whipped and he knew it, the bastard. He took advantage of it and got what he wanted from me, stupid fucker.

I'm happy we broke up now.

Anyway- man! That took a lot out of me, it's time to go to bed and hopefully have another amazing day tomorrow, I think I'm gonna hang out with Zack, Trevor &co.? I'll talk to them- I hope so...;-)

Liz

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