HEY

wow, last -um, yesterday, last night, today, it's all been so amazing. I went to the Altoona mall with Laura, her mom, her sister Nicole, Andy, and Hillary- we had funn..wow, okay, so there are these sk8er-boi-ish (HAHA wooowww liz go die) looking people who were looking over the ledge of the mall at the bottom floor thing, I walked over to the end one and asked "Hey, whatcha looking at?" he kinda smiled at me and didn't say anything, so Hillary put her arm around me and we started to walk away, then she kissed me (we REALLY had the guy's attention now)- and then this trailer trash woman like pushed Hillary, it was so funny, she was like 40 with bleached crusty blonde curly hair and a lot of make up on, eww, it was nasty. We (me, Andy, Laura and Hillary) all went into Spencer's, and we were looking for a gift for Luke... we saw a lot of things we liked, and they were funny, so we were laughing and stuff like NORMAL people- then some saleslady comes by and says "Plese quit playing, or exit the store" and we were like "Fine! We'll buy porn somewhere else"- and we left. People!

Yes, I have my hoodie on. I love it. It's a guys one... haha the girls were like, pink and fluffy, eww.. mine is red and warm, I love it to death.

I got victoria's secret underwear, it's so comfy, they're not thongs. Honestly, I'm sick of thongs, and- you know, it's not like I have anyone to show off to anyway, so I'm gonna wear normal underwear from now on. Or, until I feel like wearing thongs again.

Yeahh we had fun in Altoona...it was amazing, then we went back to Laura's and went in the hot tub-

This is where it's not so fun.

Everything reminded me of Nate. Damnit, the way the chemicals in the water smelled reminded me of him, the scenery, her room, her bed, everything- it reminded me not just of stuff we did, but- just him. It made me miss him horribly and I was on the virge of tears for the longest time.

But, you know what, It's okay.

Laura and Andy were like.. being um, horny on her bed, so Hillary and I took nail polish and like painted our backs. I wrote a name on hers, and she wrote "JOE" on mine. It was funny... seeing as I'm definitely um, in love with that kid and stuff.

We called Caitlin and Steph and finally got Jared's number, so Hillary called Jared, and ah whatever- my dad came at 10 and me and Hillary went to my house (Laura came later)

basically we were stupid all night and made cookies and macaroni and ate almost everything.

It sucked that Lauren and Caitlin couldn't be there, though, the more the merrier, right?

They were enthralled by the kittens.

Hmm, so now I'm waiting for Lauren to get back to me, I think we're gonna do a Liz/Lauren downtown thing like we've been doing since a long time ago- me and her really need to talk abuot not just us, but talk in general about nothing like we always did. I still want us to be close, she's amazing.

Laura and I were talking about the year today- how far we've gone. It's insane. I'm looking back on myself as this... Nate-obsessed new freshman (now I'm just a plain freshman)- when Laura and I started hanging out after school at the North building. I remember the time we went and met Mike Scalo and her sister, we went in his car and Andy was there every once in a while, we'd pick him up- he was a really funny kid. Now look at Laura, she's so in love with him- they have their problems sometimes, but it's okay- they will be okay.

And, there I was. I feel like I'm in such a different mental state. The world was amazing then, I didn't have this underlying depression as I do now.

Here's a quote from 2002-10-01: (before homecoming)

"Lately things have been good. I've been talking to so many different people these days, it's great. I've been so tired lately, though. WOW yesterday was so fun! Okay, after school me and Laura Rubin, with her sister(Nicole) and some senior named Mike went in his car for a random drive around State College. We saw the Simballa kid a lot (not Luke, his older brother who hasn't whacked off for two weeks for like, 10 dollars or something- it was the weirdest thing). Then we walked around a little. Laura has a crush on the senior and he likes her too I think, they were flirting and stuff. I kinda lost it in Panera and was acting strangely- wow, I love Laura. We went back to the highschool around 645ish because Mike and Nicole are in the marching band, Laura was flirting with Mike and I was sitting there watching all the band people walk by to do their band things. Nate came over and talked to us for a little while, which was cool. Then him and Mike had to leave. Laura and I did our homework and hung out until it was over, it was cool talking to her about stuff and uh, 'buying soda' which we actually did do, but it sounded funny when I said we did it. I got home at 9:40, mom was mad, I didn't care:-)"

Another quote from a few days later

"I'm wasting all this energy on nate for nothing ("I'm marrying my skateboard, and we're going to have a hackey sack- we shall name it Pike if it is a boy hackey sack, or Sherona if it is a girl hackey sack"). and here's kevin, coming out and saying "guess what, I'm interested in you, blah blah, it's obvious etcetc" why do I want nate then? because I can't have him maybe? ehhh whatever"

Oh, dear, you CAN have him- but Liz- you shouldn't want that!!!

I wish I could go back in time and just go to homecoming with Kevin, damnit-or no. Go back to Shelby's party, before the party and tell myself not to talk to him. Just let Sean molest you, Nate doesn't matter. Ignore the kid.

I like where I am, though. I miss Nate- I miss having that in my life, but right now I don't. There is nothing that can be done but try to smile and be happy about life and just move on. I have guy's names on my fingernails, lol- funny shit. We totally messed up our nails last night, they're so grungy. Ahh it's 5 oclock, I'm so bored and lonely, I really hope Lauren's dad comes home so me and her can go hang out- I wonder what Andrea's up to? Maybe she'll come, too.

I feel like such a loser- sitting here online, a lot of people are going to Player's, I really wanted to go but I can't sleep over anywhere because parents are worried about me getting no sleep or something

sigh.

I'm out-

Liz

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