Like I usually do, when I'm alone, I think about relationships and other such things.

GODAMNIT, THERE ARE NO CEREAL BARS LEFT

Anyway.

I was thinking about how I've been hurt, and the guys that I have hurt- realizing that what goes around DOES come around. I've knowingly hurt guys- and then I'm so mad when I get hurt. That's unfair. It's a characteristic of mine that I seriously need to work on, I need to not allow guys to think I'm interested when I'm not, and I need to... be more open to being hurt. Opening yourself to great emotion should go with the realization that it could all be stolen away at any time.

Laura says I should just get some boytoys and have some fun. I dunno. I really liked the relationship thing, it's great to have someone that you really like to spend a majority of your time with, and confide in. You can kind of have it with a best friend, but it's not as special.See what I mean? So, I'm kinda looking for both- boytoys and boyfriends alike. I know it's kind of pathetic, maybe? Nah, everyone secretly wants someone to 'love'- even if hey say they don't. I'll just admit it, right here, in my diary.

Hillary IMed me tonight... offers of peace and whatnot. I was really busy, but I'd really like to talk to her. Honestly, I hate being on bad terms with people.

the other night..the other nights..oh man, I have a long ass entry to write. It's been a while since I've just spilled everything.

I was in the car, coming from Journalism to..somewhere, probably home. I was thinking about all the people that have effected me. You know, you can say that someone has not effected you, you can say that only a few people have real influence over you- but you're wrong. Everyone effects everyone. I find myself mimicking others - people I'm not too close to, or hearing their words and actually thinking about them. Changing myself to become a better person, based on others' ideals. That's not always such a bad thing. Sometimes it really goes to help...renovate yourself. I don't know, I don't have very vivid details to put in here about my thoughts on this subject.

Then... there was my MTV thought. Currently, I'm obsessed with music, and I think I'm going to make a music layout tonight- or atleast start it. MTV is supposed to be music television- but what happened to it? It used to be all about the rock, the music, the thrills and the people behind them. Now, it's all reality and sex shows. Not that I don't like the sex shows- but they are not in the least bit musical.

I don't know if I am going to take journalism next year. The editorship is tough- but I haven't been having the greatest time in life. It's really showing on my grades and my actions as part of the freshman section. I believe that I could make a kick-ass editor if I was feeling my greatest atleast most of the time. Paloma and Brooke had this thing where they wrote poems and put them in as a "word from the editors". I did some last second thing- because I didn't want to be forgotten- I'm an editor, too. The words, my words- I'm capable of so much more. THEY SUCK-basically. So, don't laugh at my little paragraph, please. I only had 15 minutes to come up with it.

I miss my Maria. I read her e-mail in the library today, it made me really happy. She's so amazing! I e-mailed her this long-ass thing back. We seem to never find time to talk, I hate it. I've considered just calling her, I think I will tomorrow at like 4- although my parents are really against long distance. Or, maybe she will be online. I hope she is! Man, I haven't seen her or Emily in so long. I miss them so much. Em's red hair and eccentric ways- Maria's sarcasticly happy and calm ways. My retardedness. We were perfect!!! I wish they lived here.

I only got in 3 water bottles today. Oh well.

Science test was pretty easy. Compared to what I thought it would be.

I was so mad at myself- I did poorly on the Social Studies test...hmm..well, I didn't exactly study for an A, so I only got a mid-B. That's really bad compared to how I've been doing this marking period. World Cultures is supposed to be easy, and it really has been.

Things are alright in English. I worked late on my firsthand biography last night, making about five million different revisions. I'd print it out, edit it, and find one thing wrong- so I'd print out that page again, find something wrong on another page... it was ongoing.

Math. I don't even know. I hope I have a B.

I'd better have the A in English. I didn't work my ass of this marking period for a B. English was funny today... we had to get in groups to do an act in Romeo and Juliet. My group is Caitlin, Kendra and Anne. It was tough finding out who would play which parts- which characters are not in the same scenes, talking to each other, and such. It was a huge puzzle, but we got it! English class is always fun with them.

Gym, I have an A. I'm sure of it. Journalism- A? Atleast a high B. I did work hard.

Choir. A. Duh.

Science... I don't wanna know.

OH I'm happy. Rodkey has a class 6th period next simester, so none of us will be in his study hall anymore. I wonder where I'll be?? It's always nice for a change. I wonder who will be in my health class? Ahhh hopefully my second period study hall will change as well, I never was too crazy about it.

I babysat tonight. It was cool, made money.

Tomorrow I think I'm doing mall/movies with Miss Laura- Andy is gone, so we get to hang out:-). It should be amazing. She's trying to hook me up with this Tom guy..he's a little odd...

I'm getting fat. It sucks.

Oh well.

Immmm gonna go start on my layout, even though I should probably go to sleep.

MUCH LOVE

LIZ

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