I've had a crazy 2 days

Okay, so Tuesday. I got called into the office 7th period, she talked to me about stuff, and, which was good, she said "All the stories seem to be the same"- meaning, nobody lied, I guess. Which was good. Itttsss oovverr:-D.

Tuesday track was alright, we ran HILLS- it was insane, but guys came and ran with us so atleast there was something to look at and think about besides running.

THEN I got a ride from awesome Marlee to blockbuster/tan matters. Andrea came! I didn't think she would. It was pretty sweet- TJ randomly called her cell and was talking in a Chinese accent er something. He's a weirdo.

TOday was pretty up and down. My webpage in english is going along great. There are times when I want to shoot it in the head because I cant get some javascript to work, and there are times when it DOES work and it looks awesome, and I love it.

We went to the tutoring center today- so study for World Cultures- Tommy was in there. Heh, it was funny, even though he didn't talk to us at all and we didn't talk to him.

Test. World Cultures, was pretty easy- I hope I did well.

SCIENCE quiz tomorrow, I should study for it.

Went to the computer lab during english and worked on the Web Page. I swear, I'm obsessed.

That is my obsession, yup, that an running a 400. There is one thing I don't like about the coach, and that is that she doesn't give us indivual pracitce time- it's ALWAYS a work out. Another thing, she won't let us try new things- well, it's not that she WON'T let us, it's that we never have the opportunity. I want to learn how to hurdle, and pole vault, and practice my high jump- but I'm always a sprinter because I don't know how to do those other things yet.

BUT, it's okay. Other than those two things, she's an awesome coach and I like her a lot.

I think I'm a 200 runner. NOT a 100- that's for people like Chelsae who can run incredibly fast without striding or anything. I stride the 200, since I have long legs, it works. I COULD do a 400- and I could be good at it- but my endurance is pttttt... Maybe if I work on that, I can do a 400.

MAN, 400's are tough. They're not a run OR a sprint, they're somewhere in between. It's tough, and to my knowledge, only Marlee and Keirstin have mastered it. (There may be others though- I've just heard of those two).

I could go on and on about track.

Anyhow, 6th period I had journalism. Wow. I don't like that class, not even a bit. Sure, the people in it are cool, but the teacher can- sigh. I don't like that class, I don't like journalism, I don't like what we do, what we talk about, it's boring and it is wasting my time in and outside of school.

Health was good. I always like that class even if she just talks about nothing the whole time. Mrs. Joseph is one of those people that I can just listen to, I dunno, she's really cool. Also, Liz Crossen is one of the best people ever and we're always partners in all the partner stuff. So, health is fun.

Math is looking up? Trigonometry- I actually UNDERSTAND it. Nobody else does, but the straight geomotry I DIDN'T get and everyone was like "YEAHHHH I getttt ittt!!!". I don't know what's up with me? Even Laura (who took the test today, and I still need to, sigh) doesn't get trig. She's smart, hopefully she will soon.

Track today was ...hmm. Good. I brought my discman (well, TEDDY'S discman, mine skips) to the warm up loop. It made it so much easier and I was running right behind Becky for the most part. I felt really good about myself then, because something inside of me is always telling me to slack off.

Always, it says

Stop running. Sit down.

Eat.

Don't do homework, go online

Watch TV

Sleep.

STOP RUNNING.

It's hard learning to fight it, it's always telling me I can't do this, I can't do that, I'm fat, I'm lazy, I'm ugly-

Is this MYSELF telling me this? I mean, I don't hear an actual VOICE, it's more like a feeling. I think THAT is why I can't run the 400, why I don't have straight A's or a high self esteem. It's that feeling, that voice.

I think we all have it.

It's time for me, and other people, so stop ignoring it. Tell it NO, tell it it's WRONG, that you are PRETTY, you CAN do whatever you want, you're SKINNY, you CAN stick to the slim-fast diet, you CAN run the 400, you are NOT tired and you are NOT hiding behind the stupid shed instead of running all the way.

BTW, I never have actually hidden behind the shed. I've always wanted to, though.

After track, Andrea and I ....WALKED... down Atherton to Tan Matters. YEAH it was wonderous. The walk. We fell and slipped and almost got sucked into the baseball field.

Some little kids yelled "HHHIIII" at us from their car.

You know you're pathetic when....

BUT anyhow, we got there and tanned. The lights felt really hot, but I did just change tanning lotion, so that could be it. Dad came and got us at 7, we went home.

But anyway. I have NOT been sticking to my diet, and it's that voice-feeling that says... come on, you know you want cookies. It's okay. EAT.

and, it's SO HARD to resist it. That goes for EVERYTHING. It's so hard to say "NO, I'm going to PUSH myself on this last 100, instead of jog it".

I guess those are my main problems, an UN balanced diet that goes up down up down from slim fast bars to loads of milk and cookies.

It depresses me sometimes and makes me wish I was just born skinny, born an endurant runner who only eats as much as she needs- but, I wasn't. I'm NOT going to mope about it in here anymore. I am what I am, and I can't change my physical appearance (meaning, my bone structure)

So, it's time to make the best of it.

I need to go to sleep- long day ahead

love

Liz

0 comments so far