Today, messing around on my computer, I found a folder with all these song files from over the Summer

well, late summer. After Shelby's party, around the end of art camp.

I thought I was so unhappy at this time. My new 'friends' were kicking me out of their group, I was fighting with one person who had always been close to me, and school was about to start.

Everything was so undisturbed and peaceful

I look back to realize, it was only my uncontrolled feelings blurring my vision from seeing how wonderful things actually were, and how much better they could only get.

I'm going to cry.

Aqueous Transmission by Incubus reminds me of so much. ...

That summer was awesome. Too bad I kept myself from seeing it.

Someday I might look back on this time and say, Liz, you had it made. You had good friends and good grades. You were single and not dependant on anyone to make you happy- you made yourself happy. Sure, I can see that from my common sense point of view, but I can't feel it.

I can never feel it until it's gone, until it's over.

Right now ... I feel. like. I'm at a dead end. Nothing is happening at all, nobody new has been introduced into my life, no new occurrences, no new ideas or lifestyles, nothing. Only the thought of another summer keeping me going.

another song, another someone, another something to be so indifferent towards until long after

today was a snow day. In April. But- I was happy for it, because I was up very late before, doing things, reading a book Andrea lent me. It was good.

I'm still excited for Pittsburgh.

I think I'll go to bed early tonight.

Liz

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