culture

I want to be a part of it, but I'm too fake...?

Then why does that feel so real?

I don't want to be "Liz" anymore. I hate that name, but until I'm 18, I'm stuck with it.

Stayed home 'sick' today, because I didn't study for the WC test and I am sick of people. Sleep and a good book usually makes me feel better, and it did. Watched part of the movie "Selena" on MTV (or VH1, I forget)... and it made me cry, it was a good movie.

State College is so culturally enriched, but there's something lacking. We're a farm town trying to go urban- like a white guy with a doo rag on.

But I kinda like it. Them white guys in FUBU can be pretty cool sometimes.

There are realy awesome hippie/stoner guys- but the chick has to be gorgeous to fit in with them? What it seems like.

I love it downtown, but I struggle with the feeling that I don't really belong there. Do I belong anywhere? I definitely did not belong in Upper Saint Clair. State College is much better in every aspect... except for the friends thing. People in PGH keep the same friends for a lifetime, people here switch. A LOT. Or, they used to. Lately I've found myself around the same people, and I still actually want to be around them, too. It's pretty cool.

I hope dad picks up the rest of the pictures at the store.

Oh yeah. I haven't talked about Marlee's party on Saturday. There were a lot of people there- not nearly '300' as I had heard, but a lot. It was kind of saddening, a lot of people were mopey and soon I was, too. Marlee and Trevor are a really cute couple, it made me almost jealous to see them near the end, hugging and just being happy with each other. When will I find that again? When will we all find that? Don't lie- I know we all want that in our lives. Some of us have it, some of us don't. Some of us cope with it better than others and don't appear to want it- but you know they will imagine having it every once in a while.

A lot of people seem unhappy lately. It's just May. We all want out of here, out of school, out of this state of mind. I know I do. We all want to be at a club, or the beach, or bumming around downtown, or getting drunk with people we don't know. We want to wear short shorts and tank tops and flip flops and get tan. We all want to smell the sunscreen as we slap it on our arms.

I know I do.

I feel so murky and gross with this brownishredorange hair. I wanna dye it blonde again like it was last year- that was pretty awesome. Mom might shoot me. I'll have to talk it over with her.

Blondes do have more fun. Right? Who knows. But, I remember having more fun and generally being happier when I was a blonde. Could have been my situation, but hey, I guess we'll see.

I suppose I don't "hate my life", I'm just not happy with it. I wish I were prettier, and skinnier. I've devised a plastic surgery plan, in which I'll get a nosejob and something to make my left eye identical to my right. I wonder if they can do anything about my sides? They're a little wide, and it's just worse with the chub I have on them.

butidontwannatalkaboutthat

ANYWAY

I hope dad brings home those pictures. I remember taking some of them with Laura. They were crazy.

I should finish studying for that test soon. And that stupid english assignment I have to do, only because she told us when they would be due and I'd have no excuse for not turning it in.

On our way back from church yesterday, we drove by that fairground thing. It looks like it's coming back again- I'll bet it will be fun. In 7th grade I went and hung out with Lisa Barron. In 8th grade ... hmm. Did I even go to it in 8th grade? If it was the same time last year, Max, Tim, Brook and maybe Pu and I probably ditched it. Tim may have had a problem with the nut and bolt manufacterers- maybe they mistreated their employees, who knows.

I'm not making fun of him, I'm trying to figure out why we weren't there. OR maybe I was. I'll look in the 'older entries' later.

Oh, that girl who bitched out one of my PGH friends just signed on- when I saw what she said I was going to yell at her, but now I don't feel like it. For all I know they could have made up by now, anyway.

I wonder what's on TV.

Liz

0 comments so far