don't you hate it when you have a vivid dream that shakes you, hurts you, bothers you... and just when you begin to forget it, small aspects of that dream begin to form themselves into reality.

"It's okay, it's okay..."

no it's not.

not inside my head, it's not.

The situation isn't nearly as severe as it was in my dream, but it's horrible. I felt like crying throughout the whole journalism banquet and I did in the car, all the way home.

We called her. I was happy she was able to talk.

I miss her.

***

Today was alright. A lot of people weren't there.

Matt wasn't in school again. I don't know if Mark and I are ever going to get this project done. We just chilled in the tutoring center 2nd period, he read and I did some health.

We did weird math problems in world cultures. Abby has the best sense of humor. Hahhaha..speaking of an "abbie", we wrote "I love Abbie Beddal" on Tommy's arm. Only because I was about to write Abby (as in the Abby that was with us), and she was like "no! no! write another abby!" because I had "Abb" down already... the first thing that came to my mind was Abbie B.

Tommy doesn't even know who she is. But it's okay.

We BS'ed the word problems. Half our answers were "eleventeen" or some other made up word, and it was right once. (The actual answer was actually eleven, so we erased the "teen")

Science sucked. I daydreamed while my eyes were on the television. They weren't actually watching. I thought about what I usually think about. You'd think I'd have given this up by now, but I know I have no hope.. I'm completely aware, so it's not like I'm setting myself up to be hurt or anything. It's been long since that.

sat outside and slept/sunbathed for study hall Justin The Locker Guy is now in it, and we had fun doing nothing outside...and I'm sure all of us should have been doing schoolwork. But. Nobody cared.

Lunch... Hillary and I sat together. Neither of us was like..mad at all. We talked about the pantsing for literally 2 seconds and then things were fine again. TJ walked off with people, so Caitlin and Jordan sat with us. Peter came by for a while and we mooched stuff off of him.

Jordan and I looked for money and didn't find any.

Hillary and I looked for money and found 25 cents from Eric. She got a dollar from some kid, I forget who.

Lunch was overall pretty good.

health test 7th. We got to use our packets:-). Luckilly mine was pretty much done. I felt bad for Liz because hers wasn't, but I couldn't exactly say "Hey wanna look at mine" when the sub was right infront of us:-/

Math. Blah. The kid who normally sits next to me moved his seat, so I moved mine too. I sat next to Mark, behind Laura. It was cool. I scribbled and payed attention kind of-ish.

I'm excited for the bands at the party. Stars and Strife is going first, which promises to be a good show. They're working SO HARD to do well, and I'm sure they will. Then, a little after that is Pandemic. I've heard they're good and I've seen them practice... so I'm sure they'll be awesome as well.

The basement is in need of cleaning. I'm gonna say F- that tonight. I'll have all tomorrow night to do it, hopefully dad will lend a hand. (Granted, I'm not sure where I'll be in my situation tomorrow night... I'm hoping things will remain somewhat stable and go back to the way they were before)

So yeah that's my plan for tomorrow. Clean.

Saturday, 10:00 is journalism thing. Go do yearbooks and blah and get mine...maybe I'll snag Andrea's and whoever else's too, soo if they'll let me.

We might go tanning after that, because normally it'll develope by the night, which is good.

Around 4 some chickas are coming over and we're gonna start setting up then (don't want a re-run of the Haloween Party That Wasn't Set Up Really At All). HAHA wow. That was insane, I literally had half an hour to get ready. Maria was there..it was..crazed.

And then the party. I hope everyone comes.

I hope things get better by then so I can feel better. I know that's selfish,... but I don't want to be mopey and cry at my own party.

I don't even care if the chance of rain is now 60% instead of 40.

I want things to be okay again. This, she, is so crucial.

I hope noone minds that the party is inside now. That's probably better.

The basement needs cleaned.

I'm gonna go. Have homework, and sleep.

I hope everyone comes to my party... we need a good time.

Liz

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