but i want it... and i need it... i'm addicted to you

i like that song

too bad it relates to me in no way whatsoever.

it seems like when everyone else has these boy conflicts and this or that, i just kind of sit there, and spectate, and live my love life through my friends' love lives. It's stupid. I don't like it. But. Whatever. It's one less thing to stress over.

I'm kind of in a bad mood right now. Probably shouldn't be updating.

Monday was a good day. I felt happy and I felt as if I actually looked good. I was really sociable and outgoing, which is how I am normally when I'm not blah (and, yeah, i've been blah all year. I'm never getting attatched to anyone ever again if this is what happens when it's over). I was seriously messed up. But, bits of Tuesday and today, I've just been tired. Studying, and falling asleep right after I get to school, then waking up at 10 and studying... it's all pretty bad.

But yeah. Tuesday was an alright day, too. I managed to successfully wear my hair down both Monday and Tuesday,...since I had time to straighten it. Today it ended up flipping and looking horrible, so I put it up.

Stupid Hair.

I wanna be a blonde again, and the hair needs to grow.

Finals. Wow. Had a journalism final today and I guess it went well. The vocab part was screwey... and it wasn't me, it was the test. I studied the vocab most out of everything, and I know I'm right on it. I guess we'll see how it turns out.

I feel fat. I ate a lot today, taking condolence in food when I really had a lot of math homework to do, most of which I didn't understand.

I always seem to write these things when I'm in a bad mood.

I don't even see the point of an online diary anymore. I don't see the point of getting online at night anymore either. Sure, there are people to talk to- but I've found other things to do, like sleep and study. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm tired and stressed that is making me feel this way.

I have a notebook- like, an actual diary journal thing. Sure, I have a private journal, I have quite a few actually- I might have even left some usernames unlocked out there somewhere... but I feel so ... impersonal, putting all my thoughts and feelings and perceptions online into a journal that could be viewed by people, given certain circumstances.

I've had this notebook for a while, but really started writing in it last year. It's the only safe forum in which I can express my thoughts, feelings, and the like...without any controversy. Most of my 'trash talk' is always just to get those negative feelings off my back. I hate being in conflict with people. I do not like disliking someone, and I'll often try to ignore it when I do. Someplace that nobody sees or hears is a perfect way to let out those negative thoughts, without the consequences.

then they're gone.

And nobody knows

and you feel better

that is one of the many purposes of a diary, a journal, and diaryland is exploiting it.

No doubt it's awesome writing about your life in a way that normally your friends, or other people, wouldn't see it... to show them another side of yourself and to bring them closer to you and your life, ... but do any of us do that anymore? I have this diary for a few good reasons, but mostly the wrong ones. I check other's diaries for the wrong reasons. And. I'm not alone.

I've been displeased with this diary thing for a while now. I'll probably keep writing in it, just because... I may be addicted. Who knows.

I'm so cranky right now. No sleep. Feel fat.

OH. another cranky reason. This Friday. I'll probably have nothing to do... since I have noone to go to the dance with, most of my friends don't want to go, and I'll probably not get invited anywhere, so yeah. But. Everyone will talk to me about their plans. That's just how it goes.

This is such a bad entry. I'm not normally like this, I swear.

i should like..go work out and wash my face. im so sick of working out. it gets me nowhere

washing my face doesnt get me anywhere either

the more i write and think the more pissed i get at the world

so im gonna stop

liz

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