we grew up way too fast, and now there's nothing to believe...reruns all become our history

That's not really how I feel about life right now, but for some reason, the song touches me.

Today was pretty... eh. I was normal before school, so of course it was boring and not as fun as it could be. Had a few ups and downs all day, was almost insecure by 8th period. That hasn't happened in a while.

Kind of strange, haven't had a day like that in so long.

After reading my older entries last night, I felt so... amazing about how my life is right now. It feels like this is what I wanted, too bad I'm just as confused as I was then.

I want to do something different. With my hair, or clothes, or face, or something tomorrow. I feel like I've been the same for a while.

***

You know what? There's something I want to touch down on, to straighten this out, and I don't feel like sugar coating it. If I offend people,- I fucking offend people. Cry me a river. then build me a bridge to walk over it.

Since when would I stoop to the level to like the "guy that everyone else likes", you know, the fad guy. It's been Tommy, it's been Chris, it's now Keith. I can't remember the last time there was a preposterous rumor spread about me, by someone who is so utterly below me and knows it.

When I heard about this whole.. "Liz likes Keith" I felt like a 7th grader. There hasn't been a rumor like that about me in a while, and I'm not gonna beat around the bush and say I don't care- because I do. I don't want people to think that I would honestly go...having feelings for someone I barely know, someone that everyone else happens to 'like', and someone that I could have had last year but chose Nate instead.

It made me think about Sam, sort of. Earlier, while talking to Andrea, I had decided what I want from him- I want to get to know him better, before I decide whether I want some sort of relationship thing with him. We're so different. but that could be a good thing. I guess I'll see, hopefully I'll hang out with him this weekend.

I've been talking to Caitlin and Dan about hanging out with them and Mitch on Friday. I really hope I go to Andrea's after school, because I think that's the only time I'd get to hang out with her all weekend and that just ...sucks. A lot. Cos she'll be with Lance, and mayeb I'll hang out with Sam on Saturday? I hope. Of course, we never talk about these things until practically the day of (so stupid). If I don't, I could go to Augustin's (Dusty: you should come to agustin's this weekend Liz a stoned Matt: yeaaahhhhh come with ussss)...soooo, if I have nothing else to do Saturday, I will...and Nate Whitmer said some guy we work with is having a party. So I have things to do, obviously... it's not necessarily what I'd choose to do if given the choice

THIS is what I would do Saturday night IF I had the choice

Andrea, Laura, Bruno, Conor, Tommy, Chris and I (maybe others) would go downtown around 6, we would get canyon and hang out. Around 7 ish, Lance would come so Andrea could hang out with him and the rest of us would go see a movie or something. That would be nice, and I would have a lot of fun because those are the people I'm most at ease with.

Lately I've only wanted to hang out with my good, old friends, with the exception of Sam, who I'm not very close to, but want to be. I don't have a lot of time anymore to hang out with people, (for some reason, when I have loads of time there is nothing to do, but when I am lacking time, there are so many things I want to do).

I try not to be depressed. It's hard. I am always doing something, homework, talking online to people, ... WHEN I SHOULD BE SLEEPING, track of course, working, hanging out with friends, ..and obviously school. When I GET time off, like last Sunday, I sleep, or lay around and I'm lazy. I'm NEVER pro active and I wish I was... imagine all the things I could do with my life if I were to put effort into something worthwhile!

I'm going to the DMV before work on Saturday to get this permit. It's about bloody time

well, no track after school tomorrow...that means I have time to clean and do other tedious things which end up in me just sleeping out of the exhaustion from just the thought of it all.

0 comments so far