http://lizzles.diaryland.com/castlist.html

I forgot about that thing.

maybe I should update it. Or maybe I should make a new one; or maybe I should read it and see what was even on it- I remember Kassi was.

I feel a long "catching up" entry coming on here.

The Butterfly Effect. It was proclaimed a "psychological thriller". I have never heard of a truer movie review.

Beautiful and astoundingly painful, I'd never want to see it agin anytime soon. Maybe when I'm much older. You can feel his pain, you can understand his frustration- but you need to appreciate it. Most, I'd imagine, would be afraid of the depth this movie pulls you to, so they would mock it. I'm happy it was just Andrea and I. This is the sort of movie you want to go to with someone who is just as appreciative of the human mind and condition as you are, so you can either walk out of the theater speechless, or laughing your shallow, pathetic asses off- together.

guess which one we were.

We got up and went into the bathroom. Our hair was fuzzed all over from constantly squishing deep into our seats and pulling our jackets over our heads. It was so painful.

It was nearly torture. All that regret, those mistakes- you can feel, you can BE. It was nearly an art film. Not any average person could get what we got out of it.

Because not every average person thinks about those things, feels those feelings-

-to make a long story even longer, it was a beautifully painful movie. I may never subject myself to it again, but it will always be in the back of my mind.

Right before I left, Ivan IMed me. I'm not sure how long his IM was sitting on my computer screen until I noticed it (in a frantic search for a cell phone), but we talked about the movie Thirteen. He felt that it was unrealistic- and I agreed that "sixteen" would have been a much better title for it. To a certain extent,- how nice the mother continued to be to her obviously corrupt child- and the idea that they were thirteen- it did seem so fake. The main character's friend could have been sixteen. Just the way they were. They looked much older, they hung out with boys who could drive, they seemed to be at a highschool. There was no way that they were thirteen! Incredibly unbelievable. Throughout the movie, as I said in my previous entry, you feel as if she's much older- I was thinking seventeen. I assumed the movie was entitled "thirteen" because they did seem thirteen at the beginning of the movie, or possibly thirteen was meant to signify the time of innocence preceding all the corruption.

Who knows.

You know what. I should update my buddy list and my "cast list". Maybe I'll make a new one, or fix the old one- or something. I don't know.

Well. For a while I was feeling sort of lonely. As in, wanting a boy. I'm always somewhat insecure over the winter. But, I talked to my friend Brian tonight, who is wonderful. He makes me feel so confident- and he doesn't really compliment me or anything cliche like that. He tells it like it is. Me being paranoid, I'm always pessimistic about things. But he says, you know what- just get out there and be yourself and live it up- THAT's what I like to hear. That's what everyone should do, really.

We should all just say- fuck it.

fuck everyone, fuck the world.

put on the clothes that you feel hottest in, go out with the friends that make you feel the best about yourself, go to the places that you have the most fun at- and kick back, be crazy, be wild, be spontaneous- or be mellow, be cool, be awesome- be YOURSELF! Man, I want to do that. I want you ALL to do that. School stresses us all out, I know it stresses me out.

I can't wait for the summer. A driver's liscence, a silver fucking celica, warm sunny weather, an awesome tan, hot body and black bikini- all waiting for me. And of course, my baby (dyke, after tonight, you know)- andrea, there along with me, with her, hah, darker tan, hot body and black bikini. We're gonna live it up, boyfriends or no boyfriends.

just boys to flirt with would be nice. Admit it girls, we all want some boys just to be there to flirt with to make us feel awesome and hot- I know I do. And it works the same for them! They wanna be flirted with too, especially by awesome chicks like us.

ha, SOMEBODY'S in a good mood tonite.

You should have seen me in CVS. After Canyon, and the hott boy who smokes, who maybe I should have talked to, maybe not, he was sooo hot- oh man- black scraggly hair and beautiful eyes- he was gorgeous

thats what gets my motor runnin. dark,dark hair and gorgeous eyes.

anyway.

we get to CVS, and I'm in the beautiful mood. MY ULTIMATE SONG is playing on the radio (Call Me Al!), and I'm livin it up, smiling and everyone who walks by and singing along. Andrea walks off and I yell, "DOODLE! where are ya?" and the guy standing next to me says "haha doodle! creative!"

and we launch into conversation.

He had a pink and green scarf. Very interesting sort of person.

I have a stash of candy now.

Rahoo.

betty, when you call me, - callll meeee al...call me aa-aaal

I just put that in my profile. The lyrics are alright, there are a few meanings you can take from them.

I have CCD tomorrow... there is a cute boy in my CCD class. Also Jess Thorpe is in it, which is cool- last time I checked, we were friends?

The only thing dampening my mood ever is school work. I did real bad last marking period, worse than I've done in a long time. Tale of two cities needs read. Math homework needs done. Some world history could use to be worked on as well.

Did anyone out there see my Shakespear performance? I figure that's one thing I'll laugh at myself later, and maybe I should save some personal embarassment and hard feelings, and just laugh about it now.

Try to be positive about things now.

Try to be positive to everyone.

I WILL be the rose colored glasses.

Being an optomist and someone who just...goes about doing happy things, like singing along to songs and talking to strangers-

I truly belong in State College.

haha, let me see if I can find that old old entry where I briefly mentioned a man and his dog, and how he talked to us very friendly-like, and we thought was just strange.

Nah, never mind.

Speaking of dogs.

We might get rid of old Tugger, our orange kitty. Mom's friend, Mrs. Bargo, has a lil Schitzu dog (however it's spelled)- and this dog is having puppies. She might give us one. Wow, I really want a little schitzu. That would be wonderful. Awwww...a lil dog. So lil. I could buy it cute little things and get a dog case for it and be like those rich women and their dogs. Pf, who does that in state college- I'll just walk it around downtown and have fun with its crazy ass. I'm getting excited now! I hope dad allows us to get one, the anal party-pooper!

I have purple hair. Me Oh My. I should have fun with this craziness instead of regret doing it and wish for my blonde back- pf, give me some SLACK, I was PMSing when I made that decision.

But, I've decided that it's fuckin sweet.

and over spring break, if I work enough, I'll save up some moo lah and get some blonde back up in there.

WEll- I'mm off to shower and read some Dickens, or attempt at reading Dickens. Ahhhh I want to so bad.

You know? I really like all of you. I do. You've driven me crazy half the time, but you're who I'm growing up with, and if I can't appreciate that... what kind of a person am I, really?

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