so much CHANGES!

well, kind of.

I'm...amazingly happy with my life, as it is exactly, right now.

anyone read Hillary's recent diary entry? I wanted to sign her guestbook but she didn't have it set up. There are two words to be said to that. Rock On.

I should call her later, she left for Warren today, I think.

aqCobrA: i wanna walk through a sewer!

THpandex4U87: ME TOO

THpandex4U87: jessie

THpandex4U87: lets do it

THpandex4U87: the three of us

Iiii dunno if you'll read this or not Hillary, but- we're gonna walk through a sewer together. It's being planned.

so other than AIM just kicking me offline for no reason, everything is awesome.

so this last week. Mom had the car a lot, which sucked. Me n Thorpeyoo went to the pool together on Wednesday, I believe it was. Then I had a sweet awesome girly night at Jessie's with Hillary- haaa crazy. We watched movies and used the nail thing.

yea AIM isn't letting me back on, I hope I have internet connection so I can update this!

Then Thursday...was another pool day, this time with Jessie. I met a very cute boy (who I had been talking to online for a while before), named Matt Ward. Apparently he plays bagpipes for Eric's band untilted. Haha, Jessie wanted to set us up. We went back to his house, and then Jessie's boy, Jamie, came and met us. We played fooooosball and pinnngggpong and made an Ouija board, hahaha. Matt. Is really cool, and funny, and cute. And we will see.

but THEN, that night, after work-

I had a lonnnggg talk with Nick. I'll always like nick, you know, that's just how it goes. No one really knows Nick the way I did; the way I still do. Jessie is starting to. He's just... different to me, I don't even know how to explain it. It's my diary, no one else NEEDS to know really. I jsut hate how I mention him to people and they're all like "oh don't fall into that! he'll lead you on and play you just to get some ass!" and it's NOT TRUE AT ALL. And I know it, I feel it.

I think I'm seeing him tonight, after his work. I'll have to call some people, like the Laurens or Thorpey or something, see if anyone wantsta chill tanite. Jessie's hanging out with Mitch and Hillary's in Warren. (hahah NO FRIENDS liz!) no i'm kidding. .... ahahaha

tomorrow night was gonna be, me, Nick, Jamie and Jessie...but now that Jessie and Mitch are talking and chilling, she's not sure if she likes Jamie- and blah it's almost the same with me.

My head tells me I HAVE to move on and break this cycle with Nick. Even Jamie, his good friend, says that Nick will get over it... but you think he would have by NOW if he's ever going to. My logic really tells me I should go for Matt; he said all this nice cute stuff about me to Jessie, and it's someone i don;t know- something new- and I really want that, I really NEED that... I spend way too much time going back to exes so much (Tim, Kevin, NICK). It's comfortable. But I realize, I need to step OUT of my comfort zone and try something new.

But then there's Nick, who's so in love with me. It's like... I always like guys who have exes, who they liked so much, and I'm worried that they'll still like those exes- well with me and Nick, I AM that girl. And any girls who ever date him should be worried that he still likes me, because, he probably will. ha. It's flattering, all the things he says to me. Because I know he means it. I just don't know how to react. Do I still like him because I know he still really likes me? But then I remember, all those other girls I'd hear about him getting with and how amazingly jealous I would be...

So. I feel like I'm living in some retarded teen novel. N or M? oh BY THE WAY.

nick and matt...really good friends. used to hang out all the time. probably still do somewhat just not as much. after nick was at my place on new year's, he went to matt's.

mom is home. maybe i oughta get offline.

well. let's see. THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO:

hanging out with nick/jessie/whoever tomorrow

seeing ivan when he comes up! OKAY I NEED TO WRITE ABOUT THIS BECAUSE I FEEL HONEST AND I REALLY HOPE SHE READS THIS

ok. so every time i imagine hanging out with ivan when he comes up, i imagine that jes rodabaugh will be there. she...has always kind of intimidated me. in a way. and ive been scared of her cos i always thought she hated me and i really hope she doesnt so everything can be cool when we see ivan. maybe i should bring this up with her instead of write it in my diary- but this is not a "start a fight" kind of statement, its more like, i want peeaaace...peace is good. maybe we already had peace and i am imagining things. who knows.

anyway, back to tha list.

going to track camp on the 24th

WARPED and Maria coming up

Florida vacation

parties with the girls all summer! HillDooJessLynnThorypeepants. FUN.

much love to all you everyone.

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