I hate that when you are high and not good at being high like I wish I could be, time goes in waves and you try to consentrate really hard and then you forget all the time between the focusing points. It drives me nuts cuz I try to live all the times between but they are filled with jumbled thoguhts and giffles that piss me off cuz theres nothign funny and i dont wanna laugh. But the back up my head burns up and through th etop and my mouth opens into this gay ass grin.

Hahahahah it's so true.

Yesterday/last night...very awesome.

iiiii had my eye appointment and got glasses....which are actually rather nice. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find any that looked alright, but I did, and I'm sure everyone shall be seeing them.

THEN I met Thorpey and Laurenfromwork at the mall...she's a senior. She's actually REALLY cool, and I was wrong when I thought she was a little stuck up, because she's not, at all.

We had an awesome time, from the guy who was "talking to himself" to almost getting buy-2-get-1-free sweatshirts at pac sun, and my air freshener who is my only friend. OH oh oh and seeing haha nick baran at american eagle? so uhm, he works there now?

hhaha ok, so you know how when you see someone you don't particularly want to see, and you kind of stare/glare at them cos you're so suprised that you're even seeing them at all, and it's NOT a friendly look...then you realize it about half a minute in and look away really fast. Yup!

It was strange cos he had came into Wegmans like a few days previously, and this WHOLE summer before, I had yet to see him once.

Anyway, Jess and I parted from Lauren and picked up Caitlin...we went to Wendy's and got food. It was a lot of fun, just sitting and talking about all sorts of random stuff. Then we ran some errands, went to Best Buy to cancel my subscription thing and then to Sheetz to get gas. Listened to the Cars! who ACTUALLY were awesome.

Then we dropped Caitlin off at home, and headed to PF to drop Jess off. WELL we made a quick stop at George's, awh George. He's crazed. It was fun though. I got Matt's 2 bucks that George had shorted him from the night before.

And then, did my usual stop at home to shower and maybe eat something before I left again ...HILLARY AND JESSIIEEE came and got me in the HONDA sexmobile. hahaha.

They were blasting Britney Spears. What in the motherfucking world would I do without those two.

We went to Hillary's house, I did my make up in the car cos I'm awesome. We tried to drop film off but the place was clooooosed.

So, we prepared the house. We weren't sure when Matt was coming and Alex+some friends were due around 10.

We cleaned, Matt didn't think he could go cos his parents suck hardcore, but then he made up some bullshit about Hillary leaving for 2 months so they let him.

While we waited, the 3 of us went downstairs..it was like 8 at this point. We got some rum and spiked rootbeer, which was alright, it was MUCH better than Augustin's mixed drink from a week or so ago..eeeeeew.

And yea, Matt got to Hillary's around 8:30? We smoked, well, Hillary didn't. Jessie, Matt and I did- from the ghetto-ist piece EVER, made out of a straw, tinfoil and the Palmolive sticker from Hillary's dish soap, HAHA.

I normally don't smoke cos 98% of the time I hate the hell out of it and it's not fun; I feel like I'm dying. Well. I fixed the paranoid problem, so if some bitch is like, yo the cops are coming, i'll be like, yo fuck you, there ain't no po.

PO PUM. MAhahah.

so yea we did that and we watched THE FAMILY GUY OHH MY GOODNESS we laughed SO hard and Hillary was like SHUT. THE FUCK UP.

then I don't know what happened, I went downstairs to get my cell and then I guess maybe we migrated downstairs? Or no, Matt and I went into Hillary's parents room...cos she said it was ok, and truth be told, I really wanted to be alone with him.

so we FIXED IT FOR GOOD! Well, first ...since we were both kind of really high, we talked about soem crazyass weird shit for a while...like my philosophy on how your brain is on guard when you're high but not so high that you can't think, but you're high enough to KNOW that you are, so you're all...dude who am I talking to, and you're on guard, versus when you're normal, you don't have to be...cos your head filters out MOST stupid things you could say.

And it was weird, last time I was high and drunk with him was when I barely knew him- he wasn't my nice, awesome, fun, respectful Matt...he was hott Matt Freiji who I had seen around and barely knew him.

So I was stuck in THAT mindset for a while, but it went away.

And we fixed our problem! with a MINT! and then we ditched the mint and the problem was STILL fixed so everything was wonderful.

And I went on to him, I think a lot of my random insecurities popped up cos I let my guard down. The whole jealousy thing I have yet to shake.

OKAYYY so BEST story!:

Hillary comes in to the room and watches us make out for a while, then she gets up and leaves and is like CHECK YOUR CELL PHONE BITCH.

(referring to Matt, she's so mean to him haha)

and ...ok so he has a picture phone. and there is this picture of me looking kind of good and kind of ridiculous as his wallpaper, and the banner says "bleh" (long story)

well, Hillary changed it to "Girlfriend?"

And so we were both like. Oh Man. I Dunno.

And we debated with the idea for a while then somehow the subject was dropped, without a real conclusion coming to it at all.

Then I dunno, it was brought back up again. And Matt's like... I think it's a good idea. And I was like...yea...me too...

and I noticed later that he replaced the "Girlfriend?" with a "Yes"

:-).

OY VEY!!! I'm NOT single and at first it scared the FUCK out of me...like when you're high you can really feel everything you're thinking, and i got this tremor of fear... commitment. I have CRAZY commitment-phobia.

Soooooooo yea. Matt's my boyfriend. Wonderful, awesome, nice, fun, respectful, caring Matt. :-)

You know those dolls in like..Mclanahans, that are "the perfect man" and say shit when you squeeze them like "Honey I don't need anything but you to make my life complete, no sports!" and shit? Last night I was rambling to Matt about nothing, and I said...you know, I'm sorry, you should ramble too sometime, and he looks at me all cute and honest-like and says

"no, I'm listening to you..."

GOODNESS! He's so NICE!

and yes. Matt had to leave around 11...sucky. I hope I see him tonight...ha he's getting addictive.

THEN Alex and his friends were there! So Hillary got her time with Alex (HER....boyfriend AAHH)...:-).

and Jessie and I chilled with Alex's friends, who were quite cool, and had a nice philosophy discussion...you know how we do.

Man I love that Jessie girl. She's so deep and good to talk to.

haha i say that like we're not really good friends.

I played Hillary and Jessie a GUITAR SONG last night!!! It was BEAUTIOUS but Alex was all..YO. STOP that shit.

hahahahah

I called Keith and talked to him, Hatchet and MATT PRICE! DUDEEeeee I MISS that kid, I haven't seen him in forever and I used to see him everyday, like Dusty...who has written me 3 times! I need to write that kid back mannnnnn

And then called Caitlin and talked to her, and talked to Sarah too... hahah man I love my friends.

So I get to go babysit in like 10 minutes...it's only the 3 year old so it should be fine, she better still fucking pay me 7 bucks an hour... I did't get up at fucking 7:30 to only get 3 or something. bullfuckinshit.

Then tonight, 4-9 helping hands, let's hope I'm with someone cool, like Natey or someone. I already know I'm not with Christian...damn I wanna work inside...

Then I'm gonna go chill with Hatchet for a while at him and Goins's place, which I have never been to, so I'm excited.

Then MATT might come over very late, maybe 12 or something.

and now I must go wash my oily nasty gross face!

man I love the world.

i love how things are now, i wouldn't change a freaking THING, i love my friends, Matt is the nicest most respectful guy ever, i have a sweet job, I have so much independence cos I can drive and I have money from my sweet job to pay for gas and everything,

my brother is cool cos I have Matt over and he doesn't tell, my mom is cool cos she ...is ok? she just is. and dad is cool too. no problems anywhere cept i need to do my health and i accidentally left my mood roof in the car open last night and it got wet inside:-(

"I don't mind you comin' here

and wastin' all my time

'cause when you're standin' oh so near

I kinda lose my mind

I don't mind you hangin' out

and talkin' in your sleep

it doesn't matter where you've been

as long as it was deep, yeah

you always knew to wear it well and

you look so fancy I can tell

I don't mind you hangin' out

and talkin' in your sleep...

I GUESS YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEEDED!"

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