HALLOOO HOWHHAHRR YEWWHH?
yea hillary says it better than me.
things have been really good. school has some pressure, but i had my solitary detention today and got a lot of work done, which was good.
for some reason i really don't like writing in here. i feel as if everything i say is fluff and nothing worth reading or nearly considering, as if i'm 2-dimensional. is anyone? or do some people really only come off that way? i wish i could get into their heads and hear their thoughts, feel their emotions, and have mine to compare to. then maybe i'd understand.
and i wasn't reffering to anyone in particular, i really wasn't. i was just musing.
sigh...i should go watch the debate. for extra credit in us history. i really have been more involved with politics though- it's like this whole little world seperate from my own, of who said this and who wants what, and i'm all for kerry. i wish i could vote.
i just want to chill right now though..i never have free time with work and SAT class and
well
Matt and my friends shouldn't be piled into that list, cos i LIKE being around them.
work's cool
SAT class sucks
the end.
Anyhow, i just wanna sit online and be stupid...i never get to.
there's this thing i have to tell matt. well, not even tell him! it's not a big deal! it's just something that i would only say if the subject came up again, it's nooott a big deal. he's really worried cos i alluded to something that i should tell him in a note i wrote him-
oh yea, i am so the best girlfriend ever cos when i come back to school durig 4th period i find his car and put a note under the windshield wiper:-) how awesomely creative.
today he came home with me. and we sat and watched tv and ate and it was the best thing ever. that's all i wanted to do. was sit and watch tv and eat. i never get to anymore.
MINDLESS tv. not a debate or news. we watched Cartoon Network- Totally Spies! It's funny how things that seem so normal when you're younger can turn into outlandish, wild, ridiculous ideas once you're older.
is it the loss of ten year old imagination or gain of teenage
experience that makes us this way? i don't know.
hey matt signed off. i'll bet hez-agonna call me now...ooohhhyyy i have to tell him that thing. well. time to go collect my thoughts!
....you know what i was thinking though, it's funny how ...when you're experiencing something, and a year later, it seems so different to you.
a-la-10th grade. i listened to some music from last year when i was driving home tonight, you know, i really gained a lot of self-worth in the later half of that year.
i really have gained self-respect.
and i like understanding myself.
i like being comfortable.
so that i can smile at people i don't know and hold my head high, NOT in cockiness but knowing that i am as good as any other person and they are as good as me.
and it feels so ...good!...to know that i mean that!
and im just making myself happier by thinking about this.
i like being peaceful with people who always made me nervous and upset when i was around them.
and i may never find peace with some people. but i have to be okay with that, i have to be accepting and live my life to MY standards and my dreams and wishes so on and so forth...and not worry about them at all.
they have their lives too.
and now i think i am missing matt's call.
goodnight.

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