I just read Jessie's diary and it made me smile really big and laugh some.
Last night-
this is the point where I'd go into detail about what happened and this and that
but instead, I'll talk about how I felt about it. Everyone who I would have wanted to be there, was there. All my girls, all my guys, and Matt, my love(n). haha. Every minute was so much fun, we laughed and ate and people popped up and left every hour or so.
A few stories I maybe shall recall.
When the clock struck 12, everyone was somewhat crunked so we decided to have an orgykissfest. well we didn't really DECIDE this at the time, it just kind of happened. We were all kissing and hugging and saying AHHHFFFOOOOFFF I LOVFFE YEWWW.. and my mom walks downstairs and is like "LIZZY HAPPY NEW YE-...uh...Liz??"
and Lauren is like "LIZ.YOURMOM"
oh, the times...
All I know is that it was wonderful.
Hahaha Jes Rodabaugh called me from wherever she was, and she was like "LIZ I CANT MAKE IT, HAPPY NEW YEAR!" and i said something to the effect of, "AWH HEY JES ITS COOL WHATS UP, HAPPY NEW YEAR" and we both kept wishing each other happy new years, for like 10 minutes. ooohh hahah
So, at the moment I am waiting for Laura. We are gonna go to the mall, possibly meet up with Jessie and Lauren later- then I am either going out to dinner with Matt, his dad and his sister, or just Matt and I-
things with Matt had been difficult while he was away. I was hurt and upset with him and he was disappointed in himself I suppose- we had so many fights over the phone and long silences.
But we worked it out.
I am so confident that I know now what is truth and what is a lie.
Seeing him yesterday was bliss. He had been gone for so long, and we had gone through so much over the phone every night.
but I love him- ha that looks so weird when I write it. like I'm 12 and 'in love' with a boy who I see on the bus.
This is so different though. In all our fights he would be defenseless to anything I could say because HE had caused my pain- and so I said so many things that were hurtful, so many things to "teach him his lesson"
and I could feel how deeply upset he was, through his voice and his silence. All the pain I wanted to inflict upon him just boomeranged right back to me. And I hated knowing how upset and frustrated he was, I hated how hurt I was.
but I WAS hurt, I WAS betrayed and I let him know it and I let myself accept what happened and how I felt about it. I cried, to myself, to him, I yelled at him, I made nasty remarks to him.
and he never hung up on me, he never gave up and said 'fuck that bitch'
he would say
'how you feel is justifiable...'
but he would be so upset anyway.
and it's over.
it's OVER. you hear that? no 8 girls, no gossip
hear it STRAIGHT FROM ME, this drama is over and last night proved it. I couldn't even look at him without smiling, I was so happy to be near him. I know what's going on. the trust can be built back up.
and I suppose I ought to get ready before Laura arrives...
happy new year everyone

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