"but when you love someone so much and some random girl tells you stuff you get sooooo scared."-Jessie
....I hear that.
Matt and I went to Starbucks tonight, then Qdoba, then we ate ice cream from mcdonals in my car in the Walmart parking lot... we had a few tiffs, but we had a good time being silly.
then we went back to his place and no one was there. we layed on the couch and he refused sex again because "someone could come home at any moment"... well, atleast it wasn't the old "I'm tired/sick" one.
He's probably right though, I mean, we were on the living room couch. Someone COULD have just came home.
I told him I loved him and at first it seemed like he didn't believe me... he said that I get so mad at him sometimes, and I really do. but. just because I'm upset doesn't mean I love him any less. The thought of how I had totally opened myself and he didn't believe it made me sad, so I cried a little on his shoulder. It was the kind of crying that you don't want anyone to know about, ..I didn't want him to see it. But I couldn't help it. I had just told him how nomatter what, I loved him, and nomatter what, I'd do anything for him, and it doesn't matter what happens. And he said he didn't think that was always true and it really hurt, because I really meant everything I told him.
He saw how upset that made me and he hugged me really tight.
"Aww Liz... I didn't mean it like that.."
he could see I was crying. but it wasn't the kind where you shake and make a scene. It was the quiet kind, where if it weren't for the tears, no one would know how sad you really were.
and he felt really bad for it.
knowing that made me feel a little better.
i know he cares. just sometimes he doesn't really think. about me. that is.
Dear Matt Freiji. I love you. I swear it. in the name of my love for you- I will now chop off my head. with a big old knife. thanks. -Liz Hartman.
Well, on a different note-

I'm addicted to eBay again and Laura finally has a cell phone and we need to plan the Jessie/Lauren party and I need to write my stupid US essay
and nick roberts has just imed me. im always afriad i still have feelings for him but, everytime we don't talk, then we do, it gets less and less. i mean, it's nick. we had a confusing year last year...
but now it's all about Matt. <3 . haha stupid heart sign. it's funny how things I normally hate, like stupid heart signs and mushy info-ness, it all feels so right towards him. mattmattmatt<3<3<3
i hate how we fight... i just get so frustrated for no reason sometimes. all i want is his attention and love and when it feels like i don't get that, i go crazy.
I should sleep...fun day tomorrow, school, yes'm

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