i feel really empty.

and no one did it to me but myself, and i guess this is a learning experience, and a slap in the face-you are 17 and know NOTHING.
after that dream-annihilating 'day at penn state', then sleeping.

i hate when things happen and i'm the only one to blame- who doesn't, really? but... i want to hole myself up in my room, and never leave. maybe, eventually, it will be alright. but even if everyone else is forgiving, i will still feel so...

i'm sure there are people reading this, thinking OOOHH WHAT HAPPENED I WANNA KNOW SO I CAN TALK SHIT.

yeah, FUCK you. if you weren't involved then i hope you fucking die for caring so damn much. you know who you are- i don't need to name names, it's not worth getting "12 feet under u white btich" death threats all over again, and goddamn candy on my windshield.

anyway i leave really early tomorrow morning for philly to see drexel, then we go to new york for everything else.

i don't even know where i'm going anymore.

except to sweep the steps- first productive thing i've done all day.

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