damn

damn damn damn

i was readin my GB entries and saw flyer/chris's

damn

and then it happened again.

and....

damn!

i still like him!

a lot!

not as much as i used to but still a lot!

...wait

but now, i dont think i do anymore

do i or dont i???

i kinda do, but i really dont!

i was so over him last entry, i could feel it.

rather, i didnt feel it

that annoying feeling in my stomach that rises to my heart, it starts out happy, because i really like him, but ends in pain because i know i can never have him.

and it used to wear me away.

but just a little bit ago, all i felt was just, 'yeah, i know him' friend thing

it was fun, because i concentrated on other things in that short period of glorious time.

but now-

aaaugh i like him again!

whywhywhy?

i was so fun not liking him!

now i do- that annoying stomach thing-

its good for a while, but at the end-

still, i really dont care what he does with emily and whitney.

I'm serious, if this is seriously my diary im not gonna lie.

really.

i guess-

i think-

hes just gonna be a friend in my mind, i have to stop living in the past.

ill always be 'just there' in his mind, and fer a few months it was little more than that, but good things usually dont last, and when they go i realize that i have taken them for granted, and i feel so bad that ive lost them-

but, there is nothing i can do

so why bother with it?

I'm here, not there

im in SC, not Usc

so im gonna deal

cuz thats what you do when youre somewhere

you cant think about social studies when youre taking a math test now can you?

no, you can't

so im gonna hurl myself more than ever into SC and see what happens

I'm determined to succeed, im not going to screw everything like i did in USC.

that was the stupidest thing i ever did

screwing my life there just because i was afraid no one would like me.

ehhhh..... o well

im here, not there.

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