i wrote this today during math class. its one of those times i wish we could play around with the text sizes on diaryland.

Maria-

I'm so, so sorry, but this will be the last time i write to you, Maria, I'm so sorry, Maria, Maria, I'm so sorry....I just can't... it's over, I know, Maria, Maria....

Maria!

you will never forgive me, but I'm sorry!

MARIA!!

I AM SO SORRY BUT YOU WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN FORGIVE MYSELF!! MARIA!! THERE ARE TOO MANY FALSE ILLUSIONS, MARIA!!!!

MARIA HELP ME!!

NO, BUT YOU CAN'T!! AND HERE I REMAIN LIVING AS IF NOTHING IS WRONG!!!

MARIA!!!!!!!!

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

.....

i feel insane

crazy

i'm not mad

i wish

MARIA

MARIA

HELP ME

NO ONE ELSE IS, OR WAS THERE FOR ME LIKE YOU

MARIA

MARIA

i'm going to scream i feel like throwing up

HELP ME

I CAN'T GET BACK UP ON MY FEET UNTIL YOU'RE THERE WITH ME MARIA. I JUST CAN'T. YOU'VE BEEN THE ONLY ONE THERE FOR ME.

AND NOW YOU'RE NOT

IT'S ALL MY FAULT, YOU DIDN'T LEAVE ON YOUR OWN WILL I PUSHED YOU AWAY.

MARIA

YOU'RE NO LONGER WITH ME I CAN FEEL IT. I'M SO SORRY, MY HAND HURTS BUT I WILL CONTINUE WRITING

MARIA

HELP ME I NEED YOU I'M SO SORRY BUT MY LIFE IS SO EMPTY... YOU WERE THERE TO FILL IN THE GAPS

MARIA

PLEASE

SO SORRY MARIA COME BACK DON'T GO AWAY, I DIDN'T MEAN IT....

I MISS USC

USC USC!!!

I MISS IT

WHY AM I HERE????????

MARIA!!!!!!!!!

i'm going to die, really, just insane, crazy MARIA!!

I'M SORRY!!!!!!!

PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE ME

you hate me, but how could you not? i hate myself. i hate my world, my empty, soul less life,

EVERYTHING

this is whats been eating at me all morning

MARIA

I wanted to cry but i couldnt think of a reason for it. i just wanted to dig a hole, right here in the math room, crawl in and die a thousand deaths.

no, a million

MARIA!!!

a false smile, a forced laugh there is me in a nut shell, pretending to be something I'm not, MARIA, i didn't change very much, i dont even like smoking! i just did it a few times a few weeks ago to see what all the fuss was about. really, im not planning on it being a long-term thing!!

without you, maria, im not anything

look back, i managed to be sad, frustrated, angry, unhappy, and i didn't swear once....

MARIA!!!!!!!!

.

.

.

.

.!

!

!

a lot of that was in font like, 1/3 of the page, most of the MARIA's were like five inches long.

DAMN ME!!!!

just had to say that, who cares where I go now,... I'm just a body with nothing in it but self hatred and regret.

everything else, anything else, is all bull.

as long as maria hates me

my life is just.... just, nonexistant ....

i seriously, really feel nothing but loathing of everything, and emptiness right now

MARIA!!!!

I'm going to miss you....

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