I have had fun writing whatever in my other diary

there's a link in my profile on AIM

but anyway, i lvoe my hair! Its soft and fwuffy....and no static!! all because i lathered it with whatever I could find in the bathroom that proclaimed better hair on the bottle!

why am I such a DORK??

seriously, I act stupid in school, I'm a dork!!

I wondered why, all these years, why I wasn't popular and had only a few real friends and manymany fake ones, it's because I have little to no social skills and I'm a dork! And all these years I thought I had it, that I was really cool. I'm not saying that I was being cocky, I'm saying that I thought my personality was fine, and way back when people liked you for your personality. Who cares if I might be pretty or have a nice body? (which I don't, by the way) I'm clueless when it comes to communicating with people and making them interested in me!! I'm a DORK!!! It's a mystery to this day of why chris ever liked me. I can't wait until I'm out of school.

I always used to think when I just didn't click with someone it was because of a personality clash. Well, kind of.

MY PERSONALITY WAS THE PROBLEM!

and there is nothing I can do about it! I don't have the popular flare, I don't have the normal person glow, I don't have the punk edge, hell I don't even have the retard attitude! I.... I can't communicate with people the way that I'd like to. I can read them, but I can't talk to them.

WHY?!?!?!

why am i such a DORK??

I try way to hard and people think I'm weird

but when I don't try at all everyone ignores me!!

someone tell me what to do!!

all you diaryland NON-dorks out there tell me how you un-become a dork!!

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GoDdEsS4432: because I've just recently realized the reason i cant keep friends and cant keep a social status is because im a dork. i cant talk to people right, my social skills are horrible, i have a dorky voice...AAUUGH!

Catwinger: I kno those days where u just feel like your not right, its called teenage years!

GoDdEsS4432: nonono but i never felt this way at my old school

GoDdEsS4432: and i mov here and im popular for a while

GoDdEsS4432: and people get to know me

GoDdEsS4432: and im chewed up and spit out because i dont have what it takes

Catwinger: i didn't see any teeth marks

GoDdEsS4432: and when im in a group i cna never talk

GoDdEsS4432: and im always left out

GoDdEsS4432: .and when i try to talk people give me looks

GoDdEsS4432: because my voice is dorky and im a loser

GoDdEsS4432: and i can never think of the right thing to say

GoDdEsS4432: im always stuttering now

GoDdEsS4432: and people i thought were my friends dont like me at all

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I don't know. I seem to have a slight gift in writing, but why can I never say anything??! Why can I never..... probably because I don't use the right 'slang' or 'cool' words.... I do't have a 'cool' voice..... it's not very feminine......

and today in AREA i tried, I really did, just to fit in with everyone and kept reassuring myself that these people are my friends, but they're not. And i know it. they're not trying very hard to conceal it, with Stephanie's weird stares and every time i say something Britney and courtney would give me weird looks. Courntey would stare and britney would point to her face and say, 'see how much i care? A lotttttt" (sarcasm)

why don't I fit in??!!

I just want real friends.. people who like me for who i am that I like back for who they are. People who don't mind my dorkiness and who don't make fun of me for it and swear about me and say things about me behind my back like ' O i hate her' (britney said that) but she begged everyone not to tell as if I would never find out. as if she wasn't already making it quite obvious! I have come to the point where I don't even trust myself to talk to anyone, I'm so afraid i'll act like an idiot and say or do something stupid.

I hate this! people are going to stop reading my diary, thinking I'm a total pessimist, and have nothing good to say about anyone.

Let's change the subject- guys-

as in literal guys. way back when I lived in my taken-for-granted world, I had a very nice boyfriend. and too-good-to-be-true friends. and moderate grades. And awesome teachers.

Well what did i do?

I turned my back on it

I dressed like a slut, acted like a slut, the whole works. I exploited my body in ways I shouldn't have... wore short skirts, low cut tops, belly-revealing shirts to school, thinking it would make me more liked by the guys, because back then none of them sides maybe one didn't hate me.

Because i was a dork.

And not realizing someone liked me for who I was, someone who knew me more than everyone else. someone who knew I wasn't totally, 100% composed of dorkiness.

and i nastilly flirted with Mike Penkrot.

now that I want a guy who likes me for who i am, it's too late and all guys want here is a nice body and and empty head

I have an okay body and an empty head

but I don't go around showing off my body like some girls do

so that's why I don't get a guy,.... but then again, if he only likes me for what I am, then what's the point???

oh I hate myself!

I'm not even pretty....

and I'm a dork!

help me!!

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