I just thought I'd overwrite that previous entry because I have that same feeling... except this time Alex.... When I was writing about maria, Emily flashed in my head 'don't do it....' but I did, becasue what maria keeps doing and keeps saying she'll stop doing just annoys me.

I feel horrible that I lost my two best friends in the whole world, but I think now, i think I have to move on.

nothing lasts forver

And I admit that I was wrong, but this isn't like the Jamie thing at all. Maria was wrong too. Being a hypocrite and all, she bashed me for calling her 'fat ass' then called me a 'slut, whore, prick and imperfect loser' to name just a few

I'm mad at myself for deleting those mails, I could have proven my point, all those things she said to me, that I wasn't totaly wrong. you know, I actually would be more hurt if Emily hadn't swore, because it makes her sound so creul, but then again, sometimes Emily had a tendancy...

No wonder Maria was ignoring me today, she was all pissed about the 'obsession' thing. whatever. I don't know who it is, neither do I care, but Mar, just do your own thing, I'm tired of getting onvolved

So I think I'll stop now.

ANYway- on to my haircut!! aughhh!

I had shoulder-length hair, layered, and I said 'just a trim,' because she didn't have the right color for my highlights.

And she said 'alright'

this lady is my grandmother's hairstylist, and she's about 80 and going to retire soon, half of me said 'hey! that means she knows what she's dong!' and the other half said 'oh nooo..... what IS she doing, anyway!?'

and my hair is now chin-length

she said 'well, honey, how do you like it?'

outside of me said 'wonderful! it's gorgeous!' and forced a smile

the inside said : 'DAAAA! MY HAIR'S SHORT!! DAAAAAA!'

It actually looks okay when parted sharply to the side, so I'm fine.

I've always wanted long hair.... like, a few inches longer that what I had before. the only reason I got my hair trimmed in the first place was because I hadn't had it done in quite some time, and I was beggining to have serious split ends.

I can't beleive it's only Saturday night....

here's my theme!

hush, just stop.... there's nothing you can do or say... bye-bye.... I've had enough, I'm not your property as from today... bye bye,... you might think that I wont make it, on my own.. but now I'm stronger than yesterday, now it's nothin but a my way, my loneliness aint killin me no more..... i ammm

STRONGER

than i ever thought that i could be..... i used to go with the flow, didn't really care about me... you might think that I cant take it, but you're WRONG

come one now, here i go, all alone.... dont need nobody better off alone, here i go, on my own now, dont need nobody not anybody,

here i gooo, here i go.... alright,

stronger than yesterday, its nothing but a my way, my loneliness aint killin me no more, i am STRONGER than yesterday....

STRONGER::::

and you better beleive it! yeaaa!

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