I read mar15241's entry about the pool party.

Maria, though I am not there, I do feel your pain, maybe not as much, but pain is my friend, pain has yet been my companion these days, and I feel as if I should accept it as a part of me.

The pool party. It wasn't fair, you know, before what I did to her over the summer. She calls me a lesbian then excludes me AND you because you're my friend. What was... people are hard to understand. my mom is building a house now, so I am not going to have a birhtday party because there is no where to have one. I may as well stay thirteen.

I'll have a little party, as seemingly high in social status as I may be (I don't know anymore, am I popular, loserly or normal?) Mom only lets me invite, like, ten people because she was such an outcast as a teenager and only invited like, five.

This moving, pool party, this is what I WANTED, OH YES, a little *trip down memory lane*... especially if they be my favorite memories of past tears and storms which never have sun at the end. The raiin pours down like blood, never stopping, always sorrowful, and yet...

I think there'es something wrong with me.

And you, mar15241, are the only one who understands that feeling.

that no one wants you, loves you, enjoys your company.

I know there are the times when you feel great, you're in on all the jokes, and everyone likes you. I have those too. But then you go home- with the solitude and shadows biting at your heels.

can you comprehend that feeling? yes, I think you can.

Though you may not want to be my friend, which is solely your decision, you can understand what I mean, I understand what you mean,...

being on the outside, looking in.

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