"Did you forget about me, mr. duplicity, I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner... it was a slap in the face, how quickly I was replaced, and are you thinkin of me when you... fuck her"

Alanis Morsette, who can't relate to that?

So, when was the last time I updated? Thursday, I think. About Ivan. I can't explain what's going on without screwing even more up, although when it comes to screwing up I don't think I should be the one that's paranoid about it.

There is (and was, like two days after we broke up) talk of him asking out Abbie on valentine's day. Don't you all just love this kid? I skipped drama to talk to him and went almost nowhere. Does anyone out there know exactly how much drama means to me?

Well- off that subject, not much new about class choosing and such, I'm still trying to decide between drawing and theater arts.

I'm grounded... again. Got a detention, don't know when I'll be online again. Aaaaaaand what'd I get it for? For being in the hall without a pass...

Got my hair done again on Friday (we went to Pittsburgh). I now have blonde streaks to go with my reds and browns.

Bruno told me the other day that I have good blowjob lips. Okay???

Got my dress for the dance, the back is one of those open-back, criss-crossed corset things. I love it. It's tight, and it was long but mom took it to the seamstress to make it short.

Have to clean my room... Lisa is gonna come over before the dance and we're gonna get ready together. Her voice lessons are in toftrees, so she'd come right over afterwards. This will be fun if my parents let me do it.

Today in science, Bruno, Peter and I had a "who would you screw" talk, because the video was boring. Bruno would screw almost the whole school, and Peter would screw maybe two people.

So, last nite I was at the dollar store. Got some jewelry for the dance, then came home and decided, 'you know what, I want to clean my room along with organizing my jewelry...' and I have about a million sets of bracelets from the time when I used to wear bracelets practically up to my elbows. Necklaces galore (10 for 5 sale! Mar and I were such victims...)

"and every time i scratch my nails down someone else's back, I hope you feel it.... Well, can you feel it?..."

alanis morsette is the shit.

Olympics! "So, Liz, how do you feel about Russia winning over Canada in pairs skating, when you knnow Canada should have had the gold?"

I fell in love with the Canadians when I saw them skate their short program. The girl, lively, dramatic, hyper, yet serious about what she does, like me. So much like me, and the guy, well, he landed his jumps so it was all good. They had a standing ovation and had better overall marks. Why did Russia :Russia!?: win? They did not deserve it! Songles skating starts tonight, the guys are SO HOT wow.... and this one German skiier dude.... whoa. Dark hair, blue eyes, built... I fell in love... (lol)

Damn, someone is home.... I'm not done.... Maybe he won't notice...

Maria: Say, "You look so familiar. Didn't we meet at Lisa's coed naked lawn-bowling party?" It doesn't matter that he won't even know who Lisa is; he'll be so intrigued, he won't be able to resist asking what exactly happens at a naked lawn-bowling party.

Maria: tips on picking up men...LOL!

Me: LOL lawn bowling!!

I miss Maria!!!! I want to see her and Emily so bad, I wonder when we go back to Pittsburgh next,...

There's this girl who only comes in for off-team classes. She has this amazing, hot boyfriend who is a freshman named Brett, she's having him introduce me to his friends... if any of them are as hot as he is, then I'll be a damn happy camper.

I feel so cut off from the world, I miss going downtown with everyone, and as it seems to be, they all have a lot of fun. I've been so cut off from the world. Wow, 8th grade is starting to suck. Now I see why having weekly intervals and stuff like Germany does just isn't a good idea. You need a new year, a fresh start, unbiased people to bias as the year goes on. Friends I thought were friends are not friends anymore, there are too many examples to list... Good friends I thought were good friends don't talk to me anymore, one being Ivan. Best friends just don't exist, so I won't get into it.

Homework, cynicism, and a headache. I'm such a wonderful person. Cynical. Why, why am I like this. It's always so many negative thoughts that circulate in my mind and people don't help, none of them do, with their prying questions and their assumptions based on nothing. I want to go sleep for five days, and maybe never wake up, see if anyone cares. Bet you any money they won't.

But I have homework. Damnit.

I'm outta the loop. My life went from wonderful and perfect to sucky boring and outcast-ish, basically from white to black. Tell me, how is it that things change so fast, but no one notices until they've changed as well, and - well. shit. Must move on, for that's my philosphy? Stop it!!! You're starting to morph into one of them, all this philosophy and feeling sorry for yourself. Sure you are grounded for a very long time, have few real friends to speak of and have been betrayed atleast twice in the past week, you have a lot of homework, and have lost some good friends because of being grounded, they're still friends but have found others to be "good" friends. I'm tired of being cut off from the world, but sometimes I think, with the absence of my parents, I do that enough for myself.

About the second betrayal, I don't want to talk about it much, but the person that did it, actually the same person that did the first one, feels no remorse for what he has done. Telling someone's important secret after promising not to? Not a big thing to him. It didn't hurt or even affect him, so, who cares, right? He also said I needed anger management counseling or something. you know, thanks, thanks a lot that was appreciated. You know, it seems to be the times i need you most, you're farthest away but lately you're never near enough for me to see you much less hear you, although I'm sure you say nothing. Like you give a damn.

I'm tired of fighting for this because it is more or less a lost cause, but I can't give up.

On a more positive note ... um... (i really need to say something good right about now)... well, um, oh yeah, we're handing out valentines this year, ... in 8th grade.... funny... And, we're having a door decorating contest, and alla you damn well better know that my homeroom is gonna win.

Well, I have more stuff to go do, and stuff.

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of the...."

(_iz

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