Okay, I'm going to write more about my past two days. My last entry before this touched down on it, but now I'm at home and I have more time to write, plus more things to write about.

Okay, so last nite at the dance was just so fun, wow, it was amazing. Then, we went to Abbie's, and had pizza and talked about everything on this earth.

Woke up and Abbie's dad had peach Crepes for us. Then we played the game of life, the outcomes and such of that are in the previous entry. Brooke left and Abbie and I got online , talked to people and decided we were going to go downtown. She let me borrow her amazing dress, but i really had no shoes to wear with it, so I wore bunched up greenish socks and sneakers.

I dunno how to explain this, but I felt so much more self-confident in this outfit that doesn't match, but at the same time it does, then I do in jeans and a shirt that do match. It was so strange, like this new look type of thing added a whole other flair to my personality, now I understand why Abbie doesn't dress *normal* in the eyes of society. Who would want to, I loved what I was wearing today.

We met Ivan at three, and went to the Goodwill. I swear I could have spent hours in there looking at the vintage jewelery (it was so cool!) but ended up choosing two pairs of these amazing earrings, and all was good. Abbie got glasses.

Went to the Rag and Bone and hung for a while, looked at dresses with Abbie. Ivan left to find Peter. I tried on a black dress and Abbie tried on another, well, sorta cuz she supposedly could not get it over her ass. She had me try it on and I loved it, it's a knee-length brownish and black striped thing, and it fit skin tight. But, it wasn't slutty or anything, it complemented me, I think, but it didn't show any skin but my ankles and forearms. Peter and Ivan got back, and I had this little pink thing on, I think it is supposed to be a slip, and you could see my black bra and black thong through it. Abbie put on the black dress that I had had on earlier and it looked really good on her. I eventually got the brown dress, and she got the black one.

We went to a bunch of places, but it was so fun. Besides Ivan's occasional indirect insults or negative comments and looks about me, I was in a really good mood. We went to Rude Boyz, and as Abbie and I were walking in, som lady was walking out. She said hi, looked us up and down, then left. She seemed to be criticizing us with her eyes. That gave me the best hight ever.

We hung in Rude Boyz, I MET MAZIE and she's really cool. Peter got a see-through jacket. Click twice to open, was the thong?

Went to American Outfitters, Peter got Andrea slippers, and the lady we saw at Rude Boyz was there and came up to us and said "Like, your outfits are really cool, I just thought I'd say that," She said it in a nice tone, but, maybe sarcastic. Eh, whatcha gonna do.

We went to Mike's after Abbie and I dug to the bottom of our bags for change, and got a soda and chips at the uni-mart. Mike's was fun, we sat and talked and had a good time. We went to Metro and helped Abbie pick out pants, she wears a 28-32 the lucky bisnatch, I can do a 28 but finding a 34 is so hard, my legs are way long.

She looked really good in the stuff she tried on and was giving Ivan a lapdance on one of the benches while Peter and I sat in the other one, "pretending we didn't know them"

Then, Abbie and Ivan left for Panera at 6, and Peter and I left for Baby's. We met Coly, Jess and Andrea there. Peter gave Andrea the slippers and she was happy. We got bar seats and food. Cheese fries for me, milkshakes for people and everyone had a good time playing the game thing (basketball), and talking. Andrea and Peter flirted like mad, Ivan showed up and sat next to Jess. That was fun. After that. Andrea, Jess and Coly went to a movie. Ivan, Peter and I went walking around Downtown. It was an unsuccsessful ruin Liz's good mood night for Ivan. He picked at me for Josh's comment, "She used you as a dildo". Long story. But it's not true. My mind thinks, give someone what they want and they'll like you. Maybe. He got what he wanted and I was treated shittier then the day before.

Anyhow, I was in a really good mood (the kind I'm in when I'm not on my period). (You gotta love those off-period days).

We ran to the top of the parking lot building, and then they ran back down, I took the elevator. Went to Abercrombie for half a second, then went to Panera and chilled until my dad came in and got me.

Dad and I went to Eckerd and dropped our film off. We'll have it Tuesday.

Went to the house and saw how it is coming along, really nice! flooring is in, doorbell, the house is pretty much done except for the basement and wallpaper... then we'll move in.

It's a scary prospect. I remember when I first moved into the apartment, it was barron and unreal, the move, I moved, yes, into this small place. The walls had already soaked in whispers and secrets from the previous tenants like sponges. I didn't want to hear them, and I didn't want to tell mine. I remember crying and crying in this room. I remember writing and shaking, and being so sad and depressed. I remember feeling as if there was no life inside of me once I had no more tears within me to shed, I remember wanting to see life, wanting to see blood.

I never did though. Something, something kept me hanging on. What was it? I'd always tell myself, "think of the future, I just know you'll be happy again, you'll have friends again, you'll be happy...".

And I am happy, I do have friends, people here are nice. Thanks.

I remember wondering who I was, then finding out near the end of the summer, I remember thinking, "I can do this, I can be someone, you just watch me..." and I wrote it in my notebooks over and over again, as if there was a certain person I was talking to. Chris, he never believed in me, he taught me how to be a girlfriend, and what he taught me was basically not to be a girlfriend. How he didn't want anyone to know we were going out, and so I had to act that way. I'm not a good girlfriend at all because I don't feel right acting like one. Whoa, off track.

I remember being happy beyond words in this room. I remember once after a football game I came home and I was very happy about something. I still have the cream soda Jone's in my room. I remember sitting in my closet talking to so many people on different occasions, I remember being very proud of myself sometimes, and being very disappointed in the flaws I posess.

I remember singing, and dancing, and laughing and crying and blabbing on and on and listening, this apartment is part of one of the most important parts of my life up to now, all the 14 years of it, that is.

And, so, there I was in the house, in my soon-to-be-room wondering, could this room ever omit such emotion as my smaller, dirtier, more personalized apartment room can? I hope so.

Our new house is like walls with floors. Lifeless. Like a shoe that has not yet been broken into, it has no prints in it, no one resides in it yet. Hopefull my family and I will create an imprint that lasts, and fill those walls with the secrets and whispers that only the first owners a house can give. These secrets, whispers, stories will taint the walls and personalize the feeling of the house. I hope it won't be too negative...

Anyway.

I walked around singing random stuff and was yelled at to shut up, I'm trying to concentrate young lady.

Went home and got online.

Laura Rubin and I are gonna go to Playah's in the summer every Wednesday, that will be so fun.

I have a weird rash. Iz itchy. On the back of my neck and under my right forearm.

I hope I don't have anything.

Well, hey, I'll see yah.

(_iz

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