Grandpa is on a resporator, we have to go to pittsburgh tonight, i have to miss math class, i get to get away from state college, today was bad and now it's horrible. I don't want to cry, my first instinct is to, and I'm going to eventually, fuck, a respireator? resporator? boys boys, i hate them, i hate them, i don't want to be that person's girlfriend, i can't have who i want, my grandpa is dying, grandpa so much more important- mom will cry, we only have one car, no idea when we'lll be coming back, i have to pack black clothes.

at lunch today there was a girl crying on a bench because her grandmother had died... i tried to comfort her but you know, there isn't much you can do... I would want someone to comfort me if anything happens, so we leave tonight, im so confused sometimes, -

boys, so frivilous, i have to pack, i failed the geometry test with flying colors, its tuesday, yeah i didnt want to go to school tomorrow buti do, maybe he will be okay, maybe we can come back but i don't want him to die ever, this wasnt supposed to be happening now- i almost cried in math today for many reasons, but now i feel to drained to even whine, there is no water in me to be used for tears, i need it to stay alive sometimes. I remember the last time i was in pgh, it was so depressing. i don't want to go back, i don't want to stay at that house without them, i don't want to be in that hospital, i was hoping, we were all hoping he'd be discharged, we all thought he would but we thought wrong.

i have to pack

Liz

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