Why has my computer screen gotten smaller?

My last entry was a rant mostly about stupid things. Where am I going? I'm reading other people's diaries, and I'm thinking- they're going somewhere. They're going to be something. But, I'm not. I want so much to express everything that's going on in my head, about what I want to do, where I want to be- how hard I'm willing to work, how lazy I'd love to remain. But, no one cares. I'm too close to you all, you don't want to hear this from me. I'm shallow as ever, you know it, right? It's almost midnight, I'm still here. I need to figure things out. I'm almost 15, on the 6th, it's almost the 2nd. I can't be what I want to. Maybe I gave up on that a long time ago. Maybe that's why I'm here now.

I need to write some more, how much would I want to write something good? From a certain perspective, everything is good. I want to be detatched from everything. Wouldn't it be great not to know me? Why is the screen so miniscule? What have I done?

MEDIA- how did she figure it out? Everything I've always tried to be, she is. How did she do it? She's going somewhere. She's gonna be something. I've never really been to envious of her before,- her detatchment from everything that I am, everything I'm close to, that's what I want. All that she is close to is happy, is great- you know. How did she do it? Reading all of someone's entries is never good.

I want to pull away from everything. I want to be someone you see but ...don't know. I want to work hard, I want to go somewhere. If I can't have what I want, there has got to be something else to fall back on, there has to- where are you then, if there isn't? I'm such a sadist, I'm such an optomist, I'm so depressed, smiling here. I need to read more, to write more, to be alone more, to think more, to curl up in my hole more- summer between 7th and 8th grade, I need THAT. Everything was so perfect- nothing was tainted, there were no outside influences. I hated everything- but now, come to love it, in a sense. Everyone has what they want. - no, no they don't, does it just seem that way?

I'm not depressed- I'm musing, I'm not mad, I'm musing-

I don't need to be what I'm not, so why am I struggling like this? Am I, not- good enough for myself?

I want to be an introvert

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