Hey there!

I'm..in a good mood. I forced myself to have a good day.

Last night... was really horrible, and then really good. I was sad about Nate, sadder than usual for some reason, and Hillary called and told me some stuff which made me really sad- and so, yeah, sad. then.. I called Andrea, and we talked about everything, and- have you ever talked to yourself, like, gave yourself a pep talk? My conversation with Andrea inspired me- I'm not going to let this go on anymore. I'm getting over him. I'm going to fight this- with all I have in me, I'm going to fight it and I'm going to get over him- I. Will. Succeed. I haven't been this confident since summer before 8th grade when I was going to leave the preps and become happy on my own.

He might might be my dream, everything I've ever wanted, I might have friends trying to fool around with him and hurting me, he might just be perfect-

BUT NOT FOR ME.

I'm fighting it. I avoid places where I know I'll see him, I don't look for him in the halls, - as much as I want to- I don't. It's getting better. I hope we can be friends someday. It's like, I'm coming to terms with what we had versus what is now. It was an amazing relationship, something that I can't regret- but I have to face reality. It's over and there's nothing I can do but open up to the idea of someone else.

Today...was fun! I found flowers in the bathroom!!! Someone was trying to throw them away, and I took them... I gave some to people, including a mourning Sasha (who is now happy, and I hope back to her regular self). It was fun carrying the flowers, as if I had actually gotten them from someone. Laura had said "what if it was one of those suprise things people do, you know, 'look in the garbage can in the bathroom' or something"... iiiii hope not. Maha.

Bruno talks to me a lot these days. He said.. "Maria and I had another long conversation last night" :points to picture of me and maria in my locker: "look how sexy she is!"

I MISS MARIA. She's not online, I know she's busy, it feels like I haven't talked to her in forever, although I have talked to Emily, which is good. (SHE GOT THE GUY. YESSSS.:-D)

Chris Salera says last night "you're the friend and girlfriend kind of girl.... for example, I could have sex with you, and then talk to you afterwards"

wow, I love that kid.

Tomorrow! Will be interesting. I have a test I need to study for and a project I need to reasearch. Uhhh..then math homework in study hall, thenn... Friday night, I know Andrea, Sasha and Eddy will be there.Not sure if Eric and Nate still come, Peter and some friends might, too. I love it when things are so open-ended and random like that...anything could happen.

I spent a lot of time with the kittens tonight, taking pictures and "awwwww"ing at them. They are so funny! I want to keep the one I named Puff. She's all fluffy and whatnot.. I feel like I have a connection with her for some reason, Puff and I click pretty well. The other 5 are amazing, though. They scratch and play and make odd sounds- aw man, I love them.

oh, I might go to andrea's and take a CATA bus downtown... ahh I remember those! I used to take them from toftrees all the time, hehe. oooh, it's a mini-cata-bus-thing... hehehe. all I need is my allowance now, hopefully the parents will have aleast a ten to give me tomorrow morning- er something.

BOYS. Okay. There's this guy Laura wants to introduce me to, I think his name is Chris, Laura says he it hot.

hmm.. Saturday, talked to Laura about going to the mall with Lauren? Seeing Just Married and getting pizza like always- I hope we can! I feel kind of like we have been drifting apart, and I hate it. They're amazing.

Sunday... talked about going to Tussy and just chilling in the lodge or something.

Might just sleep on Monday, who knows.

Weekend sounds amazing

I'm fighting it. Tomorrow- still fighting-

Liz

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