I FOUND THE SONG- I FOUND IT. I got the Smashing Pumpkin's greatest hits CD that I was looking at last night.. It's nimber 4. I heard it and screamed to myself and was all "THIS IS IT THIS IS THE SONG AHHH AHH AHHA" and whatnot. I forget the name... maybe I'll go find it out... nah.

Today was pretty usual. I sat around for most of the day and did nothing. Teddy and I watched cartoons and Austin Powers. I called Laura and Lauren. (Laura said she was gonna call me back..she didn't.. but that didn't matter because only mom was home, and not me, so I couldn't have gotten the phone anyway). I went to the Park Forest play. Andrea didn't go:-(... I wonder why. Anyway, when I walked into the school- the smell of the cafeteria... you never notice it until you're away from it for so long..then Teddy and I walked down the 8th grade hallway..it would have been better if he wasn't there, he was kind of aggrivating. I was in the mood to reminisce, not to be stupid with him. Courtlyn, Krysta and Lauren K. randomly showed up- it was great to see them! We talked about 8th gade..and the Wall of Pride randomly didn't exist, we noted that.

It was weird being in the audience.

They had the same stage settings that they painted on...some were painted white, and you could see through it... the Wiz paint was still on there. It brought back so many memories- hell, I couldn't even begin to list here- all these feelings that you don't notice until the their absence.

It was pretty cool to see everyone again. My '6th graders' who are now actually 7th graders... Jill, Elle, the other kids... and the 7th-now-8th-graders, Zack, Jason, Briana-MY MICE!! Ahhhh I forget their names, that's horrible!!! They were great, though. I knew that one girl since she was in 6th grade, when we went on the Ren fair trip- OUCH bad memories, 7th grade- back to 8th. Shit. I miss it. This year sucks- maybe that means next year will be good? It seems like that...every other year is good. Last year was AMAZING- I guess that means this year has to suck, huh? Hmm. This year is almost halfway over.... the beggining was so good, for a lot of different reasons. I had Lauren, then we started hanging out with Laura and we were always so...liberated. It seemed like nothing mattered, life was simple and good. Then, there was Nate, whe very much fit in to our world and just accentuated the beauty of it all.

Nothing gold can stay, says -Robert Frost?

So, now things are not great. I was unaware that, in such a short time- can such huge changes take place. Someone ripped away my rose colored glasses and handed me this black, dirty outlook that I've been trying to shake. Christmas sucked. I wasn't 'in the spirit'. The kittens were born the day after he dumped me and I hated them for a while. They were so happy with their new life- I was so sad with my torn one. Just recently have I begun to accept them, and even like them. I've even given them names. There is Puff who is my FAVORITE- (?s)he is a striped grey tiger kitty with puffy fur... the rest have rather calm coats. There are two other striped ones- a small one and a bigger one. The small one (which mom says is "the baby" ... basically, the runt) I named Marlee, and the bigger one I named Maria. (They were the only "M" names I could think of at the time). Why M? On their foreheads, the stripes make an "M"... so I named them M names. The 3 black ones-one has a spot of white on its chest, so I named it Dot. The other two... I dubbed one "Psycho" one night, but now I'm trying to figure out which is which. The other I will name "Buttah2"- because everyone knows Buttah was my favorite from the last litter.

I'm starting to find hapiness in things again...this is good.

Another happy thing! Tomorrow I think I'm going to the mall with Laura and Lauren? And seeing Just Married. I already talked about it with Lauren. I don't know if I want to call Laura, though, - she had said she was going to call me tonight, (and didn't). Honestly, I'm tired of being the "invite-er" all the time. It's like I'm the only one doing any work towards our friendship- I guess because I really want to be her friend, she's an amazing person that I can totally be myself around.

I'll probably end up calling her anyway, because we've been drifting. One hand holding this together is better than none. :-/.

I'm so tired. It's insane how much sleep I get and still, I'm tired. I get hungry alot too, it's like I'm eating all the time- I'm gonna get fat. Seriously. Track season won't come soon enough.

Damnit! I hate school sports and how hard it is to know when they start and whatnot. I'll have to get this info from Kendra, since I see her on a daily basis..plus, her mom is the track coach and such.

I could go on and on for hours- but I'm mad tired

Liz

0 comments so far