Last night I got a lot of sleep.

I had a dream that I put all these conditoners in my hair ...it was JUST a dream. THEN I woke up, and my hair was so soft. It's never soft anymore, but, it was soft. I dunno- random cool thought of the day.

I was walking in the hall during 5th period, going to my locker to look for something to do during the most boring study hall ever, and it came to me. What I want to do. I've been thinking and contemplating, career choices, and nothing seems right.

I'm gonna be a psychologist.

A reasearch psychologist.

It took a little while to not want to be an attorney anymore, but I feel stronger about this one. My drive has increased. I went back to the study hall and read the course selection book. No luck. Maybe I'll take a course or two in Delta- I hear they have psychology courses. Well, Gino said they did, anyway.

Everyone hates me and I'm ugly blahblahblah... I'm gonna go be a hated, ugly psychologist. The fact that I have somewhere to go -nothing else should matter- it all overshadows their words. (words of which I won't even remember next week, let alone be angry about them when I'm much older) I finally know what I want to do.

Lately, I've been having trouble with the concept of death. We watched a video in health yesterday about an old man, his family and how he died. It reminded me about my grandfather- I cried in class. Luckilly I sit in the front, so nobody saw. For all I know, others were crying as well. Now, Mr. Rodgers died. I went to go watch the TV with dad (I really liked Mr. Rodgers)- but it makes me cry. He's dead too. He was such a good person, too good for this earth. We're all so angry and hateful. Why can't we be more like him?

Mrs. Joseph is right. Highschool really is the 'bootcamp of life'.

I want to go back to the beginning of the year, when I was so happy. Everything was perfect. I had perfect friends, the perfect boyfriend, work ethic, good grades, sleep, family was good, the neighbors still called me to babysit for them and I was confident in myself. Now- well, I have good friends now, too. Lauren and I are good friends. Andrea is one of the most amazing people I know, and I have guy friends. TJ, Keenan and Cameron rock- they're so fun. No boyfriend. It doesn't bother me much anymore, because- I'm living without it, right?

I talked to Dave again today... went MUCH better than the last time, haha. No one was around for this one though. Cameron and Andrea still laugh at me for the first one...as they should, it was horrible..

but, you know, I kinda think it's funny, too.

My work ethic is almost nothing. I don't give a flying anything for any of my classes, although I have a B in science ( YES ). I've been working for a B. I could have done more. For, the A, you know. But- hm. Math, I won't be suprised if I totally fail this marking period. I haven't been trying at all. I have it 8th period and by that time, I'm in no mood to do algebra, I mean, I'm in geometry!! WHY are we not doing GEOMETRY!?

Track starts soon, I'll be running every day and nothing will matter. I know it.

You wanna 'kill me'? Go for it. I dare you.

Unrelated to that, Courtney is the nicest person ever... even when she's sad about something she somehow finds a way to make the people around her happy- you rock!

It is so hot in here. Teddy needs to wear deoderant.

You know who else has been cool? Ivan. He's funny. 'Verbal retardation'. And. I gotta give him props for getting away from everything, he knows what I'm talking about.

I should go to sleep soon, it's like 9:15.

Past my bedtime.

Or. I might go run, because that will make me feel good.

I'm not even tired.

I'm gonna talk to Bruno tomorrow. This has gone too far and I miss him.

I'm gonna go run. Yeah. That's my decision. Alright. Seeya...

Liz

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