people change.
today i decided a lot of things for my life. i'm not going to penn state. i love this town; i love its smell, i love its aura. i want this to be a rememberance of highschool... i want all the places i've been and feelings i felt, - i want them to correlate. i don't want to replace the old memories with the new ones. possible fear of forgetting.
i want to go to an art school. i honestly love to draw and paint. ok so that sounds like a hobby. yea it sounds like it, doesn't it. and yea when i tell you, you can give me all the disbeleif in your eyes that you can muster and my mind will NOT change. i'm picking up some art electives...basic drawing this 7th period and next simester jewelery making... (im going to swim in the morning for pe i think), and MAYBE there will be a painting 4th...let's hope.
there was an example i used to explain my choice.
all throughout life i've wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, a psychologist, so many other things... but there was always this...creative constant that lied beneath. i love appreciating the way the air smells in between seasons and the color of leaves, the absence of color post-snowfall and its return...
i wanna write a book
i wanna paint
i wanna go to abbie beddal's room and i want her to explain all her works of art to me again. we're gonna peirce our noses.
i feel tired and cynical. maybe ill pierce my nose by myself. i wanna live alone.
matt leaves for florida early tomorrow morning and doesn't get back until sunday. i'm going to miss him more than i can possibly explain here. but it will be...interesting? to have a weekend wtihout him.
AH matt is really gone! I have Matt Fish and he has Liz Fish (the 25cent toys from pizza hut)... haha its all i have of him!
damnit, i have to write this report and inSTTEAAD im writing a diary entry.
i'm starting to understand those people who can talk to anyone and don't feel inferior. i think it's a matter of maturity; seeing other people as other PEOPLE and not..their label, or what they would think of themselves possibly.
i need to start really writing some more. not in here i mean. in my note/sketch books.
i don't know why i like painstaking independance. the kind where i'm alone most of the time. it was always like that when i was little..me and my thoughts. ...

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