I spent basically my whole weekend either working or with Matt. He's my best and possibly only friend at this point. it's hard to trust ANYONE when I keep hearing about so and so saying this and that, so fuck it. talk about me all you want. i have this thing called a life, which entails getting my schoolwork done, working out, doing shit for my parents, working at wegmans, and spending time with my best friend/boyfriend matt.
i just feel like my options are a. stay stuck in this quagmire of girlay drama that they all say is 'petty' and that they claim they don't participate in but then they do anyhow or b. just cut off all ties and re-start my life.
i just think this whole thing is uncool. so i'm done. i'm not gonna call anyone anymore and try to keep friendships, i'm not going to spend less time with matt so i can invest time in frienships, i'm not going to make efforts. because i tried to change, i tried to be a good friend and it didn't get me anywhere. call it whatever you want, that's really how i feel. i feel as if i was used for rides, and in the event that i would ask for 5 dollars for gas because i was constantly driving when we went out- i'm apparently in the wrong for that.
think i'm being paranoid? i don't give a fuck. i dont need to take any of this from anyone anymore.
what i want to do is be proactive. i don't want to feel small anymore and i don't want to feel used. i want to feel as awesome as i know i am. i'll be there for those who will return the favor to me, i'm sick of one-sided things.
i'm not staying here after highschool. i'll take my experiences and my mentality to new york with me and make something of myself. that is my dream and it will be my reality.

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