Fearsum87: i know liz, he doesn't deserve you
that's all there is to say really. he makes me feel like shit. i fell flat on my face in love with him and i can't get up. i just cry. thinking about what was. having hope and feeling alright sometimes when things seem as if they're looking up. but keith put it perfectly,...all matt wants to do is be a shadow of goins, smoke, drink and sit. he doesn't even want SEX
ssMerbeC KK: because as we said before, all they care about is sex, and drugs, and video games was it?
THpandex4U87: Sex.
THpandex4U87: not...the kind of sex matt and i used to have
ssMerbeC KK: hrmm, its along the line of they are nothing
THpandex4U87: our sex MEANT SOMETHING
ssMerbeC KK: yes
THpandex4U87: but...they want to fuck
THpandex4U87: FUCK
and then todd
T O Double D 127: did he call
THpandex4U87: nope, and i am notttt suprised
T O Double D 127: ....sry
THpandex4U87: ithappens
T O Double D 127: u gonna put up w it
THpandex4U87: yea, i suck
T O Double D 127: dont.....y u do it
THpandex4U87: because im in love with him
T O Double D 127: but if hes gonna do that....

I don't want to ever be in love again. this is horrible. this is fucking everything up except for school because I did homework tonight at home instead of saving it for lunch cos i didn't go see matt after work. so maybe that's an upside.

I can be so happy. I'm so sad. I'm isolating myself from him because he needs to understand what he does is wrong. he can't have those girls over like that. it makes me so uncomfortable and so upset to even think about him showing up with those three girls, two of which i cannot trust and I just don't know what goes down. I hear about it from one, she goes on about it like it's the coolest thing that my boyfriend invites her over.

sometimes I wonder if I'm happy cos I just ignore things and pretend they don't bother me, but when he just goes and does this...after I told him how uncomfortable it made me, how upsetting it was to think about...why can't he just get a ride with Will or Goofy? He used to ride with them all the time. Why all those chicks now? It's just so shady, because I don't even hear about it from him, I hear about it from those chicks and they think they're so cool for it. And shove it in my face. and make me feel like CRAP. and I go to matt with it, and instead of saying..no liz..thats not how it is...dont feel like that..

he just gets mad.

I'm gonna try to get Andrew to come to Ed's on Friday. and that's all there is now to say.

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