The question arose tonight.
Should we not see each other?
I've never done this whole break thing before.
I'm thinking maybe we shouldn't because I got annoyed with him tonight, like I used to, and we're trying to eliminate all those things.
I must have refferred to him as my boyfriend tonight atleast three times, but he's not. not my boyfriend. Matt Freiji is not my boyfriend. I have to keep telling myself this, we are not together although we still see one another and we still care about each other.
I want to talk about something else though. Besides Matt.
I really really like Fashion and Tech class. A lot. I actually look forward to it every day, it's fun and interesting and I even want to start working outside of school in my mom's sewing machine. I want to go to FIT, but my mom says that I should get an undergraduate degree as a foundation beforehand, and I agree with her.
I've been feeling different lately. I don't know if it's the Zoloft or the weather, but I've felt good. Despite the fact that I drink more caffiene than I should in order to stay awake during the day, and I smoke some now, I feel good. I feel content. I feel as if all my friends are really there for me. Each and every one of them was there 100% through every aspect of my hard times with Matt and I appreciate it more than anything. I want to show them that I care too. I want to call Hillary now because her away message is sad, but I'm afraid she is sleeping and that won't help to wake her up.
The debate in English class today went very, very well. Becky kicked so much ass in our last rebuttle. SHE is our 'Secret Weapon', except not secret. So just weapon. It's like.... I'm a slingshot, Hannah is a bow and arrow, Scot is a butterfly knife and Becky is an artillery rifle.
It was badass.
Anyway, the Zack kid in my english class is cool. To think we called him 'retard' many a month ago...
But yes. Today was a good day. I smiled and was happy.
I'm hopeful about how things are with Matt. He said tonight, "Liz, the only reason I'd want us to see each other a lot less, is that it would cause us to miss each other so much and realize how much we really mean to each other...that would be the whole point."
So we are not 'together'. I asked him if he was thinking about doing things with other people, and he said no, he didn't know that was implied. I told him that it wasn't, and that I didn't plan on it. I told him...it wouldn't be cheating if he did, obviously, so it would only prove if he cared about me and a relationship with me at all. He said the same went for me and I agreed.
So here goes nothing?
I spose I ought to get ready for tomorrow.

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